Ricky's Bio

Take a look at that goofy-ass mug to your right.

If you kick it with the Rotogod known as Ricky, you’ll see that face a whole lot. You might see that face a whole lot at the Special Olympics too, but let’s not get off subject.

Ricky is comic relief. Failed a critical test? Ricky will make a joke about it. Tell him about your dog dying, he’ll make a joke about it. Say you made sweet love to his mother? He’ll joke about that too.

He wore Pedro jerseys to Yankees Stadium before the Sox won anything -- just to be a dick. As a child, he would ride the subway through Boston’s worst ghettos -- just for fun. When he grew up, he moved his private-schooled, Jewish ass right into the middle of Brooklyn, NYC.

Not much gets to Ricky.

In fact, just when you’re wondering if he’s paying any attention at all, he proves to you he’s not a walking vegetable. He dresses like a drunken wino, but he’s actually rather smart and well-rounded. Ricky can tell you about the exhibit at the science museum or Xzibit and whether to go see him.

The Rickster flexes his mental muscle by serving as the Chief of Grammar Police down at the Rotogods precinct. Anyone can catch a “your” that’s supposed to be “you’re” and a “there” when you really mean “their.” But Ricky’s extreme. If you say “Michael Redd was literally on fire last night!” you better mean he pulled a Michael Jackson circa 1985, or you’ll get called out.

A graduate of one of the nation’s most prestigious universities, he surely has accomplished great things in life, even at a young age. Like, well, no, he doesn’t own his own home (we're not even sure he's on the lease). Uh, nope, he’s doesn’t actually have a full time job (he’s a temp). He claims to have a girlfriend, but who would date a sarcastic, fantasy sports-loving sloth?

Well, at least Ricky writes for this site. Occasionally.

Favorite Recipe

Baby Flambé:

    Ingredients:
    one baby fresh from C-section (with placenta)
    2 1/2 cups sugar
    2 pinches of nutmeg
    3 oz unsweetened chocolate
    1 cup mint sauce
    1 1/2 cups high proof cooking rum (at least 120 proof)
    30 mg pure methamphetamine per pound of baby
    65 mg fear adrenaline per pound of baby

    Instructions:

    Separate baby from placenta, make sure the baby is breathing if not replace it. Gentle feed baby the cooking rum, wait for it to pass out from alcohol poisoning. While you're waiting for that to happen mix the placenta, mint sauce, chocolate, adrenaline, crystal meth, and 1 1/2 cups of the sugar. Blend on highest setting for 10 min. Once the baby is passed out crack open it's rib cage, sever it's aorta, and drain it's blood into a mixing bowl. Using a icing bag pump the placenta sauce into the aorta, attach the aorta back to it's heart and close the chest. Place baby in a warm water bath of about 180 °F (85 °C) until it waked from the drugs. Mix the drained blood (now rich in alcohol) with the remaining sugar and the nutmeg. Pour the blood sauce evenly over baby. Set the baby on fire and serve.

    Bon Appetité!

    Recipe courtesy of eatbabies.com