Beagle's Matrix VII Draft Analysis Capsules
Written by Beagle on March 28, 2007
Post-draft rosters (We told you before: open these in another tab/window so you can laugh along)
Beagle's Matrix VII Draft Analysis Capsules
(Ed. note: organized by Beagle's twist on each owner's team name at the time)
Father Time
Bone a Petite Old Man, I’ll Pay Bitch – I’d have taken Abreu over Vernon “Got Paid, Time to Get Fat, Oh” Wells, but what do I know. Cano can hit his ass off and Street is a solid closing option, perhaps even an elite one if he can make it through the year. Matt Cain is a good pick if you’re Xach, but I do like LaRoche’s chances of following up his breakout season of a year ago. Crede has a creaky back and Pettitte’s arm is hanging by a thread. I like Edgar Renteria, but why waste a pick two rounds later with Cabrera. Austin Kearns . . . bwhahahahahahahahahaha, that’ll work . . . bwhahahahahahahahahahaha. Prior, Hudson, Dotel, Cantu = dead, almost dead, was dead, and should be dead. Seriously, the only good pick anywhere near the end of the draft was Craig Monroe and that’s not saying much. Grade: B -
TiVo
Young and Hungry, Really Hungry – It was a nice start to the draft with some very solid if not spectacular bats in Young and Matsui. Schmidt was one of the top arms on the board and I like his chances for a solid year in L.A. Thome will not duplicate last year’s numbers, but was good value at that point. Fagglio is solid, but counting on Rich Harden is not a good idea, trust me. Burnett had a strong second half, he could be a real find if he ever manages to make it through a full year (doesn’t hold breath). TiVo did a decent job of filling out his lineup, but really don’t like the idea of playing a C at 1B. Unfortunately the second half of this draft leaves a great deal to be desired. Beltre . . . dude, do you ever learn? Buehrle, I could hit that guy. Uggla was good value, but everyone here knows he got lucky and is likely to regress. Hampton, Upton, Vidro is feces, feces, feces. Grade: B -
Beagle
Nomahhhhhhhh! – Pierre was a nice way to start and Lackey and Hamels was a nice start to an otherwise non-existent rotation. Bill Hall and Nick Swisher are both Beastface power hitters. Of course, they will hit about .265 between them. Luckily, the Beagle was wise enough to draft the great Nomar Garciaparraararararararararar who is going to hit .475 this year. Zito and the promising but unheralded David Bush is a nice #3 and 4 option. Getting Cuddyer in the 9th was a steal and picking up a masher like Richie Sexson for the bench was a savvy move. Barrett is a great option at the C especially considering he was taken 8 rounds after Kenji Jomama who had very similar numbers. Plus he can kick Junky’s catcher’s ass. The later parts of this draft are littered with quality selections like Ian Kinsler, Tankersley, Quentin, and Duffy. Daniel Cabrera, whoops. This is one my better draft efforts in a long time. Grade: A -
Worm
Jersey Jerkoffs – It was a nice start to the draft with young stud Joe Mauer. Unfortunately, the human XLS doc went old older and dead with his next 3 picks. Um dude, it isn’t 2001 anymore. I likey the Chris Young and Raul Ibanez was good value at that point in the draft. I can throw harder than both of Worm’s closers, good luck with that combo. Mike Lowell and Sean Casey, what the fuck, you know those guys suck, right? McClung could be a nice SP/RP find, but he does have a career ERA over 5.00 and has never been able to throw strikes consistently. I like the Reed Johnson pick, but other than that, there is nothing but a bunch of old guys whose best years are behind them, not in front of them. Grade: C
Doc Fury
Dreaming of Elton Brand and Chase Utley – The left-handed TiVo is on the verge of stardom and I like his chances this year of getting there. Delgado is a still a solid power threat much like Furcal can still run. Verlander is filthy and should improve upon his pedestrian K numbers. However, he did pitch a lot of innings last year and might not hold up. Gerg loves the Bobby Jenks and if he and Gordon hold up, that could be 80 saves right there. Willy Tavares, Eric Byrnes, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy???? Chasing speed is never a good idea. Penny and Contreras could pinhead a strong rotation although both are serious injury risks. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them put together a solid year. Gary Matthews is good, but the rest of those late picks probably shouldn’t be on a roster. Oh, gimme my fucking LoDuca. Grade: C +
Ricky
Hanley Me The Baby – Abreu was a nice surprise. Myers and Putz were a nice way to start a pitching staff with Carpenter. Unfortunately Chipper Jones and Josh Pukefield leave a bit to be desired at that point in the draft. Chipper’s numbers from last year were an aberration and I expect him to continue his declining production this year. Papelbon, nice pick especially if the Red Sox come to their senses and make him their closer. Lidge is awful. Ricky thinks Markakis is going to make a much bigger jump in production than he is capable of. He’s not going to be a big power hitter. One of Markakis or Conor Jackson will be a real second-year stud. Greg Maddux, shouldn’t Worm have made that pick? Homer Bailey and Chris B. Young are some nice prospects and Rick would be in good shape if Fool were in the league. I think this is one of Rick’s better looking teams in years with the top-notch keepers. Grade: B +
BartenderMan
I Don’t Need No Damn AA – Tendah traded down to the middle rounds to draft Chone Figgins and Ryan Zimmerman. Yikes, way to lock down the 1 in errors early. Prince Fielder is a Beaaaaaaaasssstttt and Troy Glaus is nice SS option. No way in hell Dave Roberts repeats what he did last year, no way. Chuck James, Igawa, just call me skeptical. Oh and what’s the deal with all the middle relievers. I know you found K-Rod about 3 years ago like that, but it doesn’t seem like a very good strategy to waste 4 bench spots on guys that can’t help your team out of the gate. Decent offense with Pujols, but this team has some gaping holes. Grade: C
Junky
De Passion of a Former Matrix Champ – A slick move to jump ahead and pick up Dye although there is no way in hell he matches last year’s numbers. Rivera is the greatest and with Bonderman, this pitching staff is looking strong. I’m not buying the Coco Crisp comeback quite like Junky and Adrian Gonzalez will be hard-pressed to repeat those numbers in Petco Park. Luis Castillo is a fine roto player, but would have been around 4 rounds later. Him making it through another year injury-free on the Metrodome turf is iffy. Hunter is a Beast and Valverde is a nice closing option. There were a lot of nice picks in the second half of this draft including consistent winners Garland and Wang along with my catcher Ass Jockey Pierzyzyakakzkski. Grade: B +
Ape
Anything But Second – P’el took a chance with his first pick and I think Matsukenji will start the year off strong and finish with decent numbers. Schilling and Hoffman are old and reliable, but have clearly seen their best years. Giambi and Thomas need to stay healthy for this team’s offense to be top notch, I’m sure that’ll happen. I like Ervin Santana and Javy Vazquez is a lock to strike people out and have an ERA under 6. Ray Durham, Chris Duncan, whoops. Animal Sanchez and Josh Johnson were nice as rookies, but I expect both to digress in their second years and the Marlins will most certainly suck. Liriano, whoops I did it again. There was a lot of meh in this draft. The keepers are great and the Ape knows how to trade, so this team will be there at the end, but not the way it looks now. Grade: B
El Amin
Gibbons Me An El A Sandwich – Matt Holliday, brilliant. Rocco Baldelli, not so much. I like J.D. Drew and Lyle Overbay to have nice years and Ramon Hernandez is a nice C option. I don’t know if Ryan Dempster is going to make it through another year closing. Harang, Capuano, Hill, and Garcia look decent but far from spectacular on paper. Nick Johnson was the worst pick of the draft bar none and Ryan Shealy might be as bad as Adam Dunn someday. Stephen Drew could be nasty and Bartolo Colon is nasty . . . at eating. The nice infield keepers will keep this team afloat, but there are a lot of question marks. Grade: B –
Timberlake
This is HowWe Go Back to Being Mediocre – Looks like the Timber let that championship cloud his judgment. Delmon Young, that was fucking stupid. At his best, he’s worth that spot in the draft. Patterson and Lugo were some speed reaches. Last time the Sox signed a SS to a big money deal, it didn’t work out so well, plus the Sox don’t run. Moises Alou and Kenny Lofton are so old they could have given birth to Fadda. Timberlake found his roots and drafted some youngsters in Phillips and Martin, but it was too late to salvage this draft. Luckily Timber has good keepers to keep him competitive, but this draft leaves much to be desired. Grade: C +
Xach
I Killed My Draft (and Dwayne Wade) – Sheff is a nice 1B option this year and Andruw is up for a nice free agent year. I think Alex Rios is poised for a big year. Felix Hernandez might not suck this year. Ryan Freel, Carlos Guillen, trust me that’s not a good idea. Gagne is dead and Chavez might as well be . . . this is what happens when they take away steroids. Piazza as a DH might be nice, but he might have trouble adjusting to AL pitching after all these years. There were some nice picks later like Willingham, Wainwright, Rogers, and Burke. This was a solid draft and with some good health this team could contend this year. Grade: B +
