The Matrix VI: A baseball draft for that ass!

Written by Various Rotogods on March 01, 2006

Here's our draft for your perusal. Although some of us clearly make a mockery of it, this is in fact not a mock draft. But we suggest you use it as such.

The Matrix is the Rotogods' 7x5 Yahoo! rotisserie league, and although we don't play for money (bottles of scotch are wagered like crazy though), to us it's the real thing. Because the categories we use are the normal 5x5 plus strikeouts and errors for position players, the values for players like Adam Dunn and Rafael Furcal skew. 4x4 roto players will notice that we include runs and pitchers' strikeouts too, so make sure you temper the stock you put in our draft with our system.

The other thing you'll need to know is that the first four rounds were not really drafted in that order. The Matrix is a keeper league, so no, my squad did not draft Roy Halladay fourth overall, two picks ahead of Billy Wagner. Worm and I just stripped our teams last season to the point where those are our best keepers, while Junky ended up with Pujols, Vlad, Aramis and Prior. Them's the breaks.

We have a lot of weird traditions, such as bad team names, that I really don't need to get into right now. You probably have an idea how the first few rounds of your draft will go. But if you need to know how soon someone is going to leap up and grab Rickie Weeks or Zach Duke, or how far Adrian Beltre or Troy Glaus might slide, we're here to help. As you can see, you can't slip a whole lot past these damn Rotogods. Almost all the hot prospects were drafted, and save for Jamie Moyer, Josh Towers and Mike Jacobs, there weren't a whole lot of worthy guys undrafted (although there have been 16 moves and two trades since this draft went down Sunday afternoon).

The other payoff for the loyal reader are our traditionally candid team-by-team draft breakdowns that will follow on the site over the next few weeks. Better known to us as "hate-filled capsules," Ape, Beagle, Father Time, Timberlake and occasionally Xach aspire to ruin even the most optimistic MY TEAM projections for the team you just drafted.

We assume you know the players first names, teams and positions. And if you don't, tough shit, where I copied and pasted this from wasn't giving that kind of info up. Our team needs are C, 1B, 2B, SS, 3B, IF, LF, CF, RF, Util; SP x 5, RP x 2.

Without further ado:

Keeper round 1
1. Á. Rodríguez ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.) REVIEW THE TEAM 'TENDAH DRAFTED
2. M. Teixeira ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
3. A. Pujols ... Junky (The Steele Reserve) REVIEW THE TEAM JUNKY DRAFTED
4. R. Halladay ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
5. Jo. Santana ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
6. B. Wagner ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
7. D. Wright ... Timberlake (Timberlake (Dominachone)
8. C. Crawford ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
9. I. Suzuki ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
10. M. Ramírez ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
11. D. Ortiz ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
12. P. Martínez ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Keeper round 2
13. G. Sheffield ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
14. Mi. Cabrera ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
15. C. Utley ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
16. T. Hafner ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
17. B. Abreu ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
18. M. Tejada ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
19. L. Berkman ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
20. D. Lee ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
21. R. Sexson ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
22. V. Guerrero ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
23. M. Young ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
24. J. Peavy ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Keeper round 3
25. A. Soriano ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
26. R. Oswalt ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
27. A. Ramírez ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
28. S. Podsednik ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
29. F. Hernández ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
30. J. Rollins ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
31. C. Figgins ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
32. G. Sizemore ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
33. H. Matsui ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
34. A. Pettitte ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
35. C. Carpenter ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
36. J. Bay ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Keeper round 4
37. B. Bonds ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
38. D. Jeter ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
39. M. Mora ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
40. B. Sheets ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
41. D. Willis ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
42. C. Zambrano ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
43. M. Ensberg ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
44. J. Cantú ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
45. J. Schmidt ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
46. M. Prior ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
47. V. Martínez ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
48. R. Harden ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Before you get to the first set of picks, a brief explanation: The Rotogods were so anxious to get going despite drafting on February 26 that picks were allowed to be made the Wednesday before the draft. Some miscommunication ensued, FoolVo picked Konerko on behalf of Fadda Time, who three picks later said that wasn't who he asked them to pick. Arguing ensued, FoolVo got to draft Beltran despite those who wanted to stick them with Konerko ... and somehow Father Time and FoolVo -- working as a team to fit a 13th Rotogod in without altering the league -- worked out this pre-draft trade. Father Time gets Podsednik and the rights to FoolVo's pick in the third round, which was John Lackey; FoolVo gets Ichiro and moves back five spots to select Eric Chavez.

Round 5 (sometimes referred to in draft reviews as first round)
49. C. Lee ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
50. J. Pierre ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
51. J. Reyes ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
52. C. Beltrán ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
53. T. Helton ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
54. R. Johnson ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
55. M. Rivera ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
56. P. Konerko ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
57. B. Lidge ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
58. A. Jones ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
59. J. Kent ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
60. Fr. Rodríguez ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 6 (second pick)
61. C. Delgado ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
62. J. Damon ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
63. R. Howard ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
64. S. Rolen ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
65. R. Weeks... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
66. J. Beckett ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
67. B. Roberts ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
68. C. Crisp ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
69. M. Giles ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
70. B. Colón ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
71. M. Buehrle ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
72. J. Thome ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 7 (third pick)
73. J. Peralta ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
74. H. Blalock ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
75. J. Nathan ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
76. J. Lackey ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
77. M. Ordóñez ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
78. J. Smoltz ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
79. V. Wells ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
80. C. Jones ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
81. E. Chávez ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
82. R. Furcal ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
83. E. Gagne ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
84. B. Myers ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 8 (fourth pick, and so on...)
85. J. Patterson ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
86. B. Zito ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
87. B. Webb ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
88. F. López ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
89. B. Ryan ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
90. A. Huff ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
91. A. Dunn ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
92. R. Dempster ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
93. H. Street ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
94. J. Mauer ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
95. C. Cordero ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
96. J. Gomes ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 9
97. B. Giles ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
98. C. Schilling ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
99. N. Garciaparra ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
100. A. Burnett ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
101. C. Barmes ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
102. D. Haren ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
103. M. Holliday ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
104. F. Cordero ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
105. C. Tracy ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
106. B. Jenks ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
107. J. Giambi ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
108. W. Taveras ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 10
109. R. Freel ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
110. T. Hudson ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
111. K. Mench ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
112. M. Loretta ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
113. B. Crosby ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
114. K. Griffey Jr. ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
115. C. Capuano ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
116. N. Lowry ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
117. C. Sabathia ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
118. M. Mulder ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
119. R. Winn ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
120. J. López ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 11
121. T. Hoffman ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
122. P. Polanco ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
123. C. Floyd ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
124. J. Edmonds ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
125. K. Johjima ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
126. Mi. Sweeney ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
127. J. Varitek ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
128. R. Clemens ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
129. J. Contreras ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
130. J. Isringhausen ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
131. Z. Duke ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
132. Ol. Pérez ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 12
133. A. Benítez ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
134. K. Foulke ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
135. F. García ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
136. I. Rodríguez ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
137. L. Hernández ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
138. D. Turnbow ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
139. J. Vázquez ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
140. M. Cain ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
141. G. Anderson ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
142. E. Guardado ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
143. C. Lee ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
144. J. Lugo ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 13
145. S. Kazmir ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
146. J. Lane ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
147. K. Escobar ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
148. D. Davis ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
149. P. Burrell ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
150. J. Posada ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
151. J. Bonderman ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
152. J. Garland ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
153. P. Fielder ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
154. J. Blanton ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
155. T. Hunter ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
156. J. Drew ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 14
157. F. Liriano ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
158. M. Alou ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
159. M. Clement ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
160. J. Morneau ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
161. S. Green ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
162. T. Glaus ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
163. S. Casey ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
164. T. Gordon ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
165. É. Rentería ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
166. B. Clark ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
167. M. González ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
168. J. Francoeur ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 15
169. E. Santana ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
170. L. Overbay ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
171. E. Bedard ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
172. J. Valverde ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
173. B. Wickman ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
174. J. Borowski ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
175. C. Young ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
176. J. Papelbon ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
177. A. Harang ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
178. J. Guillén ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
179. K. Wood ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
180. S. Hillenbrand ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 16
181. B. Molina ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
182. R. Hernández ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
183. M. Barrett ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
184. N. Johnson ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
185. P. Lo Duca ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
186. M. Mussina ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
187. D. Roberts ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
188. G. Atkins ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
189. A. Béltre ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
190. M. Ellis ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
191. G. Jenkins ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
192. B. Hall ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 17
193. J. Seo ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
194. J. Weaver ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
195. A. Rowand ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
196. J. Hermida ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
197. A. Kearns ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
198. Lu. González ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
199. C. Ray ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
200. C. Shelton ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
201. M. Bradley ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
202. R. Baldelli ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
203. K. Millwood ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
204. B. Fuentes ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 18
205. C. Guillén ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
206. T. Nixon ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
207. L. Castillo ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
208. T. Iguchi ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
209. R. Canó ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
210. B. Wilkerson ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
211. K. Lofton ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
212. D. Eckstein ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
213. M. MacDougal ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
214. A. Pierzynski ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
215. D. Cabrera ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
216. S. Shields ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 19
217. J. Verlander ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
218. C. Jackson ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
219. Od. Pérez ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
220. J. Kendall ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
221. P. Wilson ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
222. M. Lowell ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
223. J. Vidro ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
224. C. Reitsma ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
225. E. Loaiza ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
226. M. Morris ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
227. J. Dye ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
228. D. Lowe ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 20
229. C. Kotchman ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
230. T. Jones ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
231. C. Counsell ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
232. T. Wakefield ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
233. K. Youkilis ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
234. G. Chacín ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
235. C. Orvella ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
236. C. Pavano ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
237. N. Swisher ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
238. J. Gathright ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
239. R. Ibañez ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
240. Á. Ríos ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 21
241. S. Linebrink ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
242. R. Sanders ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
243. G. Maddux ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
244. B. McCarthy ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
245. D. Johnson ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
246. J. Lieber ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
247. C. Monroe ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
248. B. Radke ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
249. P. Feliz ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
250. D. Young ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
251. B. Penny ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
252. A. Heilman ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 22
253. B. Mueller ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
254. J. Gibbons ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
255. D. Báez ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
256. J. Westbrook ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
257. C. Granderson ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
258. K. Rogers ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
259. Lu. González ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
260. P. Byrd ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
261. O. Cabrera ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
262. J. Jones ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
263. J. Suppan ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
264. T. Bowyer ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 23
265. B. McCann ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
266. W. Peña ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
267. T. Lilly ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
268. B. Schneider ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
269. C. Biggio ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
270. C. Silva ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
271. J. Sosa ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
272. T. Ohka ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
273. A. Eaton ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
274. T. Glavine ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
275. S. Chacón ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
276. M. Murton ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

Round 24
277. C. Wang ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)
278. M. Timlin ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
279. J. Washburn ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
280. S. Stewart ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
281. M. Lawton ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
282. H. Ramírez ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
283. M. Piazza ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
284. K. Benson ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
285. C. Patterson ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
286. T. Womack ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
287. B. Chen ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
288. D. Weathers ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)

Round 25
289. A. LaRoche ... BartenderMan (Peavy Inc.)
290. G. Meche ... Ricky (Redemption Dongs)
291. D. Wells ... Junky (The Steele Reserve)
292. Z. Greinke ... TiVo & The Fool (FoolVo's Nuclear Sub)
293. F. Thomas ... Xach (Your Ass is Lee King)
294. E. Byrnes ... Worm (Jersey Wormburners)
295. A. Marte ... Timberlake (Dominachone)
296. G. Floyd ... El Amin (No Pity For Trolls)
297. R. López ... Father Time (Eaton Tracy)
298. J. Encarnación ... Dr. Furious (Smokin Garshas)
299. A. Boone ... Ape (Ape In Your Fridge)
300. R. Shealy ... Beagle (Return of the LoDuca)

-- Compiled by TiVo

Get fantasy advice * Chat with us * See how each team turned out and share your opinions * Be a guest columnist * Who are the Rotogods?

-- Written by Various Rotogods on March 01, 2006