Rotogods Death Pool: Year 2, Round 1
Written by TiVo on February 11, 2006
Fantasy junkies know there's a little bit of a lull this time of year. Football's been over for a while, Bowl pools and Super Bowl prop bets have gone by the wayside, and unless your basketball league is hella interesting, all you really have is idle time waiting for pitchers and catchers to report.
Unless you roll with a gang of sick fuckers like I do.
Last year, the Fool helped bridge the gap between fantasy football and baseball by starting a celebrity death pool. While it's far from an original idea, as the resource list at the end of this article shows, it's usually something the people who run Oscar pools like to do, not something for fantasy sports junkie.
Until now. If you want to set one up with your homies, we'll provide some color-by-numbers rules so you get things rolling quickly.
Here are our four basic guidelines, as written by The Fool in Feb. 2005:
That's pretty much it.
Only eight Rotogods played last season, with the most vocal opposition coming from myself and Worm, subsequently dubbed "The Knitting Circle." I admit, I was squeamish about making a game out of people's passing, but look at it this way. God is taking who he wants when he wants, regardless of whether you're in a death pool or not.
Last year's champ took it home with one very clever pick. Last February, Terri Schiavo was not nearly the news-channel celebrity she became when she did die.
2005 results:
Not sure how Xach, who drafted Richard Pryor, had zero, unless the God of comedy died in early January. Anyway, we expanded to 12 this year, with the newbies getting to pick at the top of the round one. It's semi-serious, so here's my semi-serious review of the top picks.
1. TiVo: Red Auerbach, age 89
The goal of this thing is to pick people who are going to die, regardless of age. The cigar-chomping former Celtics honcho has been in the hospital, and plus, as a 76ers fan, I don't mind rooting for the guy to move on to the big ballcourt in the sky. It's a low-reward pick though, just 11 points if he goes.
2. Kenji: Dick Clark, age 76
Anyone that saw the man around New Year's Day knows it'd be stunning if he is long for this world. But the man looked the same at 70 as he did at 50, so maybe he's got the steel balls to get through a few more years. Still, with 24 points available, our resident sumo wrestler made a better pick at 2 than I did at 1.
3. Tendah: Ariel Sharon, age 77
This should have been my God Damned No. 1 pick. I blew it, and Tendah swooped in to get the hospitalized Israeli prime minister. Just as likely to go wherever it is Jews go in the afterlife as Red is to shoot baskets with Reggie Lewis and Len Bias this year, but worth 12 more points.
4. Worm: Muhammad Ali, age 64
I hate to say it, but good pick. Most people consider Ali the greatest athlete of the 20th century, so of course we have nothing disparaging to say about the man, but he's hasn't been looking good since he's developed Parkinson's.
5. Ricky: Rev. Billy Graham, age 88
Here's where the controversy came in. Ricky originially picked a 24-year-old NYPD cop named Eric Hernandez or something. Some people beefed because dude was not a celebrity until he was shot, but Christa McAuliffe wasn't really famous until she died either. I figure the major-news-organiztion rule that keeps you from picking your sick grandmother also applies here. If it didn't make major news, Ricky wouldn't have gotten any points. But I guess people didn't want the game to be over before it started, Ricky changed his pick. Hernandez, shot by other NYC cops, died from his injuries two days later.
6. Fadda: Randal McCloy Jr., age 26
The surviving miner from the Sago (W.Va.) mine disaster sounds like he's gonna live, but this is what we'd call a high-upside pick in sports.
7. Xach: Clint Eastwood, age 75
Meh.
8. Junky: Liz Taylor, age 74
Solid.
9. Fool: Former President Gerald Ford, age 91
Another likely to go, low-scoring pick.
10. Beagle: Charlton Heston, age 82
Can he take the rest of the NRA with him?
11. El Amin: James Best, age 79
I have no idea who this is. (Googles). Oh snap, Roscoe P. Coltrane is sick?
12. Ape: Jill Carroll, age 28
This wasn't much different than the Ricky pick, and nearly violates the death row rule. Carroll, if I understand correctly, is the journalist kidnapped by those militant beheading fuckers in the Middle East. Since we haven't saved hardly anyone of those people yet, and since the inaction isn't stopping those bitches from chopping heads, Carroll's probably as good as gone. That shit's actually sad. And worth 72 points for our defending champion.
Anyway, I hope the rest of the 'Gods will review some of the other rounds. If you're interested in the subject, here are a few places for you to start:
Resources:
- DeadorAlive.com (Handy source for 'died in last six months' and 'alive and over 85' lists)
- whosaliveandwhosdead.com: Because you might need to check before you pick.
you people make me sick.
Posted by: Worm at February 11, 2006 09:36 AM