Analysis of our NBA league's draft, Team 4 of 14
Written by Beagle on October 25, 2005
A'ight NBA fans, here's another look at how one of last year's shittiest teams used high picks in our draft. You know the drill by now, and if you don't, check out the links to the full draft, analysis of each team and our scoring system.
Basically, the 'Gods play for pride, and part of the tradition is being real with each other after draft day. We hope it helps you avoid doing the same dumb shit we do.
Since Doc Fury is a tireless worker, but questionable at observing detail, we'll resume going in order. We pick up by looking at the team who had the third pick: Father Time.
-- TiVo, on behalf of the Beagle (You're now officially on the board, homie. You owe me some legal counsel later).
| Der Fadda's team (Name: Big Sloppy Poseys) | ||
| Pick | Player | Real-life team, position |
| K | Rashard Lewis | F, Seattle |
| K | Ben Wallace | C, Detroit |
| 3. | Mike Bibby | PG, Sacramento |
| 4. | Stephen Jackson | G/F, Indiana |
| 5. | Richard Jefferson | G/F, New Jersey |
| 6. | Jamaal Magloire | C, New Orleans/Oklahoma City |
| 7. | Jamaal Tinsley | PG, Indiana |
| 8. | Eddy Curry | C, New York |
| 9. | Jerry Stackhouse | G/F, Dallas |
| 10. | Keith Van Horn | SF, Dallas |
Where is my Geritol Complete: The Old man had less than stellar keepers but looked to put together a solid draft here. Bibby is a keeper caliber PG and Steve Jackson can be a 3’s and steals machine assuming he can manage not to punch any fans in the face this year. RJ is poised for a very nice season as the third wheel on a re-vamped Jersey team, I would expect his TO problem from last season to correct itself with a healthy Kidd. Magloire is a quality starting C with big point and rebound totals. I hate Jamal Tinsley, but he has his moments. Hopefully Eddy Curry won’t die . . hopefully Keith Van Horn will . . bah. Draft Grade: A-
Shane's Shit shoots: I wanted Bibby, so I'm retaliating by saying your team sucks. It actually doesn't, but I'm not sure it is better than anyone elses with all the injuries and the lack of guys who do well in multiple categories. I like Bibby Rashard and Wallace, but I can't say I'm a fan of RJ, Magloire, Tins, S-Jax, the latter two because there is so much depth on their team this year, but who knows. I could see someone else looking at this team and liking it a lot.
Predicted finish: 13th
Bibbbiybyibyibyibyib: Extremely hard to get a read on this team because of the vast amount of missed time these players had last year. Could be better than I think, but I am going to dock it for two reasons 1) it is never fun to gamble with injuries and 2) I think the lack of a star who fills all categories will come back to hurt this team and its trading versatility.
Rank: 12th
And last but not least...
FATHER TIME IS HOT AND HAS A HUGE SCHLONG: Ben Wallace and Rashard Lewis. I ask you, do keepers get better than that? Needless to say, I felt I had to take a few chances to compete with the big boys this season. Taking the Bibbybibbybibbybibbybibbybibby at three was a no-brainer. Risk #1: Steven Jackson at four. Here’s hoping Ms. Jackson is for real and doesn’t punch some little white fan to protect Ron Artest. Risk #2: Richard Jefferson at 5. Jefferson was a mini-beast before last season when he turned the ball over roughly 234,145,613,451 times a game and then got injured. Here’s hoping the trio of him, Kidd and Vinsanity leads to higher FG%, fewer turnovers and a return to mini-beasthood. Risk #3: Jamal Magloire at six. Here’s hoping he returns mostly healthy and returns to his all-star form. Risk #4: Eddie Curry at eight. Here’s hoping he doesn’t die, at least before I trade him. Where does this leave me? How the hell should I know? But for prediction’s sake, I’ll put me right in the middle. 7th PLACE.
We should put a big disclaimer here, since trade addict Fadda, who has made a habit out of raping the guy who rapes everyone else in trades, the Junky, has already dealt half his team to the Junky ... but it's irrelevant for this analysis. It does explain, however, why a guy who did not draft James Posey would call his team sloppy Poseys.
Good work Teeves, but you may want to replace Father Time's real name with ... Father Time perhaps?
Posted by: Doc Fury at October 25, 2005 07:23 AM