NBA Mock Draft analysis, team 1 of 14
Written by Various Rotogods on October 14, 2005
By The Rotogods
People out there, gather 'round. You need NBA draft analysis that isn't written by some ass-kissing, full-of-shit staff writer? Help has arrived.
The Rotogods are in the fifth season of a 14-team, two-keeper, nine-category competitive NBA fantasy league. As is tradition, the 'Gods take turns offering candid opinions, draft grades and such on each owner's performance. It gets a little crazy, but we hope you get a little something out of our team-by-team look, and not piss your own draft down your leg.
We'll start with the guy who finished 14th last season, and therefore had the first pick, after keepers. Here's the team drafted by Xach (who else?), and then several Rotogods' takes on it.
Three things you'll need to know:
1. Our trusty commissioner, Ricky, messed up the draft on Monday night, so we all had to reconvene or re-set our pre-rankings in an entirely new league on Tuesday. As a result, most people's initial team names reflected their displeasure with the Rickshaw.
2. The league is called the Road to 17 because it's filled with Celtics fanboys who think the sports gods will smile on them again, even after the 2001-04 Patriots, the 2004 Red Sox, Bill Russell, Ted Williams, Larry Bird and Ray Bourque. Greedy, bean-eating fucks.
3. These are really written for our personal enjoyment, not public consumption, so please excuse the piss-poor spelling, non-agreeing format and occasional misinformed opinion. However, we hope you still agree that they're too funny not to share.
If I can get the tables to work, we'll include the entire draft for your enjoyment.
-- TiVo
Format: Rotisserrie
Categories: FG%, FT%, 3PTM, PTS, REB, AST, STL, BLK, TO
Roster Positions: PG, SG, SF, PF, C, Util, Util, BN, BN, BN
| Xach's team | ||
| Pick | Player | Real-life team, position |
| K | Amare Stoudemire | F/C, Phoenix |
| K | Ron Artest | SF, Indiana |
| 3. | Jason Kidd | PG, New Jersey |
| 4. | Donyell Marshall | SF, Cleveland |
| 5. | Rip Hamilton | SG, Detroit |
| 6. | Samuel Dalembert | C, Philadelphia |
| 7. | Troy Murphy | PF, Golden State |
| 8. | Marquis Daniels | G, Dallas |
| 9. | Deron Willams | G, Utah |
| 10. | Nene Hilario | C/PF, Denver |
Xach's bitchcracks: This would have been a good team around Amare, I bet we'll only hear that lament 1456 times over the course of the season. I do agree though, so let's hope that negates any need for that little chant. It is going to need Troy Murphy, Deron Williams and Sam Dalembert to keep it competitive...read that again! then ship off a China Daily to Xach. Predicted finish: 14th
Ronstroker’s Pachulia: To be honest, Im not a huge fan of this team even if Amare’s knee wasn’t made of play-doh! The only pick I really like from rounds 4-10 was deron Williams in rd 9. I know donyell does some things nice, I just don’t see spending a 4th rounder on a bench player. Rip (no defense, 3s), dalembert (no offense) and Murphy (no shooting) all have their issues.
Rank: 14th
I wish I wasn’t on Xach’s team because now my Career’s over: Kidd is a no-brainer, but Marshall on the way back is a no-brain pick. I could see Marshall being a high pick to provide balance for a team with big time scoring keepers, but without Amare this pick makes no sense. Rip is a stat-sheet filler and I do think Dalembert will be improved from last season. Murphy’s and the H-Train have solid whiteboy game if either can stay healthy for a full season and should provide a solid UTIL player. I like the Deron Williams pick and I think he will give Chris Paul a good run for his money for Rookie of the Year honors on a much improved Utah team. Draft Grade: C+
And bringing in the closer...
DARYL KILE: Boy, lots of surprises on this team. Donyell Marshall, Samuel Dalembert, best player is dead. Typical Xach squad. Marshall’s a good pick if he starts. But that’s the story of the guy’s fucking life. And since he’s once again on Xach’s team, he won’t start until Xach drops him at Thanksgiving. Can’t really fault the Hairball too much for again taking a chance on Dalembert since Amare’s dead. You can blame him for Marquis Daniels, another player who may not start. And for taking Nene, which is Spanish for “manure sack.” Le mikey the Deron Williams. While I wouldn’t advise drafting bench players, Xach has done much worse. Unfortunately with Amare dead, I just can’t see him, at least for now, getting out of the cellar. I understand, though. Injuries are how I lost the Matrix this year…14th PLACE.
Nice draft analysis. What is the status of your invite league to non-Rotogods and where on earth did you get this fine looking tables???
Posted by: Smokin at October 16, 2005 10:05 PM