From My Crapper to Yours: A drunk's thoughts from NFL week 2

Written by Bartender Man on September 20, 2005

Beast!?!?!? You wanna know who the beast is?! It’s Carnel-fucking-Williams! That’s who!!!! You wanna know who’s NOT the beast?!?!? Daunte Culpepper!! You heard it here in my first article WELLLLLL before the NFL season started. Don’t say I didn’t warn y’all... Moss is the SHIT!!!

Also, while we’re on negatives... add the Pats to the list. They seem to have a problem with running offenses. Remember Lamont Jordan’s 110 yards? Yeah, they pulled a victory out of that one ‘cause Collins is still an ass... but add 3 rushing TD’s to Stephen Davis's total yesterday -- and yeah, no stupid-ass Collins -- and they lose... You get the idea... The red hot Willie Parker’s coming up for them next, followed by LaDainian Tomlison... followed by some more elite running offenses... It doesn’t take a spelling bee pussy to know that New England’s gonna learn how to say “ah, shit!!! I’m FUUUUCKED!” Yeah some shit coming down their throats, and very soon... I like Buffalo and/or the recuperating Jets to win that division... Thanks for playing. Come again!

How about Farve? He’s like 97 years old! His social security lays more pipe than me! Go home! Cook some sausage or something! Did anyone see that look on his face Sunday when they lost?! Yeah! We totally could’ve won if... Oh, is that swiss cheese? Why, yes, I’d LOVE some! Oops! I got so excited, I dirtied my Depends again... Sorry :(

I’m telling you now... if you’re a betting man, bet on Tampa. Yeah, I’m a Tampa fan, but their offense is FINALLY giving their aging, but still REALLY good, defense some rest in games... They will definitely give Atlanta a run for its money in that division, if not flat out win it. Like I said... Cadillac is a BEEEEEAAAASSSSTTTT!!!

Also... some more betting advice... Before week four or five, let it be known that K.C.’s defense is for real. Well, more so than in the past few years. Take them in the point spreads before week 4 or 5 when the casinos and/or bookies start catching on. And don’t forget Tampa-fucking-Bay... Ah yeah! Keep the money coming in...

Want some apples?! How about these apples?! Instead of wasting draft picks on awesome defensive players who are actual shit-stoppers in real life... Draft the good new homies on good defenses who will be challenged more than the real-life ass kickers like Ed Reed, Julius Peppers, etc... They’re all on my team, and doing so-so... Then again, Derrick Brooks was the last defensive player I took, and he’s my biggest ass kicker...

But... he’s a BUC.


-- Written by Bartender Man on September 20, 2005


Comments

No way Tampa Bay wins a division with three teams that could be better (if the Saints ever got their ish together) in it.

PM me Frey. I will put all kinds of action on that.

Otherwise, drunken swear-filled articles are the foundation Rotogods is built on. Magnifico!

Posted by: TiVo at September 20, 2005 04:12 AM

Yeah, that was great.

Though you are kidding yourself if you think the Pats won't win their division. They obviously aren't gang busters just yet, but dude, Jets, Bills, Dolphins...the large group of teams that look stronger than the Pats early on doesn't include any of those three. Sorry boss, might as well wake up and smell what you shovellin'

I'd actually lay some money on the Pats surprising the Steelers in Pittsburgh...BB will have them smartly about their paces after that debacle in Carolina.

Posted by: Ape at September 20, 2005 09:41 AM

Favre better not retire. He's their only good player. (kills self)

Posted by: Fadda at September 20, 2005 10:29 AM

Don't the Packers still have Gilbert Brown?


Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!
Run or pass and score -- we want a lot more!
Beat 'em, Swamp 'em,
Touchdown! -- Let the points soar!
Fight on, fight on 'til you have won
Sons of Washington.
(Rah!, Rah!, Rah!)
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!

Posted by: The Fool at September 20, 2005 10:55 AM

TIVO(son)......you just don't KNOW how good Tampa Bay IS this year.....you wait and see.....

Posted by: BartenderMan at September 20, 2005 01:05 PM

Can Favre even "go home" at this point? Does his home still exist? Isn't he a Louisiana hick?

Posted by: Van Kizzah at September 20, 2005 01:34 PM