Top setup men, NFL predictions, and whiney bitches

Written by Bartender Man on July 26, 2005

I’d play NFL football for a measely 30 grand a year. I make more than that BARTENDING. Hell, I’d even lick the owner’s ass every week for 100 grand a year. Is T.O. really THAT dumb?!?! I guess so... I WANNA PLAY FOOTBALL!!!!!!

Anyhow, here I am at home, gorging on chicken breasts with ketchup and cheese (AMERICAN, you French motherfuckers!), and trying to quench my thirst for roto baseball and football.

So, has anyone seen Kerry Collins' new toys on offense? Or am I the only one taking the current 3.6 to 1 odds on Oakland beating New England in week one? You heard it here first. With Moss and Jordan, Oakland will become a top contender again, and New England will start taking a dip towards the ground this year (although I do really like Brady’s skills). Trust me!!! At least take the odds against N.E. if you don’t put your money on the money line. And if you don’t know what the money line is, well, you shouldn’t be betting.

How about Jason Giam-fuckin’-bi?!?! Five home runs in his last six games! Woo hoo!!! Man! I’m glad I traded Morneau away! I think..

Damn! What a night!!! Too bad I have a girlfriend now... there were SO many horny-ass bitches in my face at work last night!!! Anyway...

So, was anyone else lucky enough to figure out the strategy of picking up setup men on really good teams before their closers got injured or traded away? Percival just got injured (again) and is out for the season, as well as contemplating retirement, with Farnsworth taking his place. Billy Wagner is supposedly being shopped around with Urbina next in line as the closer in Philly. And Dannys Baez is supposedly on the market with the newly acquired Joe Borowski next in line as the closer for Tampa Bay. Not that Tampa gets many save opportunities, but ANYWAY...

Did I mention that Giambi, who I picked up off of waivers, is on fire lately?

You all hate me yet? Just checkin’. If so, you can eat you-know-what.

Here are some more NFL hunches for the 2005 season

  • Ben Rothlesberger will SUCK this year... totally...

  • Jamal Lewis is gonna run the football like crazy. Or at least like a man on cocaine...

  • Randy Moss will be Randy Moss

  • T.O. can suck my dick

  • New England will likely make the playoffs, though I won’t be surprised at all if they fall off the map. Hey, it happens to everyone EVENTUALLY

  • Antonio Gates will still be the best tight end in football

  • Eli Manning? He’s still a little whiney bitch


    • Oh, and if you didn’t know before, well, you know now how I feel about pansy-ass football players like T.O and Eli Manning...


    -- Written by Bartender Man on July 26, 2005


    Comments

    Strong words.

    So with that ass-licking thing, how many times a week would you do it to your boss for your hundred grand? That makes a big difference if you ask me.

    Posted by: The Fool at July 26, 2005 11:00 PM

    Why, Fool? You got a hundo burning a hole in your pocket?

    Posted by: Xach at July 27, 2005 02:21 AM

    So is the Raiders new offense better than the Colts offense was last year?

    (seems to remember some sort of 20-3 beat down administered by a team sporting Earthwind Moreland and Randall Gay at CB)

    Anything can happen in the NFL, but it seems to me like you've gotta let the champs dissappoint you at least once before you start betting against them.

    I don't bet though, so don't listen to me.

    Posted by: Ape at July 27, 2005 08:51 AM

    Tendah, you need to do a weekly NFL rant. That was fucking awesome.

    Posted by: Fadda at July 27, 2005 10:20 AM

    That was awesome.

    Did you pick Giambi up on waivers at the same time that I picked Chris Shelton up on waivers?

    Keep strokin' these narticles.

    (Pen stroking dickhead, pen stroking!)

    Posted by: El at July 28, 2005 12:07 PM