The Afternoon Offering - June 13, 2005

Written by Father Time on June 13, 2005

Good afternoon, my six faithful readers. I apologize to the vast number of e-mailers who have responded to the absence of today’s Morning Offering. I was going to write it last night, but a very important reason came up: I didn’t feel good. And if we don’t have our health….we don’t have anything.

Insulting the Refs. Being a Pistons fan hasn’t been easy during these NBA Finals. The Spurs have spanked Detroit in all but the first two quarters of the series so far. That said, I have had some problems with some of the officiating. Obviously, if the Pistons had gotten the calls I felt they should have, they only would have lost by 10 last night instead of 20. But that’s not the point of this topic. The point of this topic is why the hell can’t athletes insult referees? During the Miami series, Billups drove to the lane, got mugged, came away with a mouth full of blood…and didn’t get the call. But if he says anything at all, he gets fined. Why do the referees get treated like they’re four? They are a crucial part of any game and should be held accountable for their actions.

I have no problem with refs T-ing up players who say shit during a game. But after the game, I don’t understand the whole kid gloves treatment. In fact, I think not only should the players and coaches be allowed to express their displeasure towards referees, but also that the refs should be made to attend post game press conferences. If you messed up, answer for your mistakes. Oh, and don’t blow the whistle because you expect contact. Also, you suck. And nobody likes you.

Big Trade/Pulling a George: We had another blockbustah in our baseball league. The Ape traded Xach Hideki Matsui and Carlos Beltran for Johnny Damon and Gary Sheffield. The Gods have been pretty split in their opinions on the deal. I’ll go the wimpy route and say I like it for both managers. Xach’s DFL and always will be, so trading for better keepers, which I think he did here, helps him prepare for being dead last next year with better keepers. Meanwhile, the Ape went the route of major team change. Mix it up in hopes of better results. Ape, like so many of us have in other leagues, has been blessed with a solid squad of underachieving buttplugs. And the big question when dealing with underachieving buttplugs is when do you pull a Steinbrenner and completely revamp?

The answer, as always, is it depends. Check season stats and trends before you do anything, however. Second half studs have that reputation for a reason. As do injury prone putzses. If you’re undecided at this point in the season whether or not to do such a major overhaul, my advice to you is to pull the trigger. If for no other reason than for your own piece of mind. Seeing a new group of players instead of underachieving buttplugs will put a smile on your face, at least at the beginning.

So I had a friend tell me this weekend that if you push super hard to get a fart out, it won’t stink. I need you all to test this theory for me today. On elevators and in board meetings, if possible. Or maybe right after you walk up to an attractive woman…

“Hey baby. Like what you see?” (kaboom)

-- Written by Father Time on June 13, 2005