The Morning Offering - June 10, 2005

Written by Dr Furious on June 10, 2005

I feel the need to answer my critics at this point. There were some questions raised about whether last Friday’s offering was within the hate-free guidelines. I think that my last offering, while sparking some beef, contained no hatred at all. Is it Furious’ fault if a girl takes a daily trip to Dunkin with the intention of putting down two dozen donuts and a couple of bagels? Is it my fault if rotogods ride Kevin Mench’s jockey for no reason? I think not. Let’s be honest people: last Friday’s offering was well within hate-free guidelines. If you disagree, you can reach me at docfury@rotogods.com or post comments below. Stop hating on the lack of hatred people; it is foolish and futile to try.

Now moving on to more important matters, I will proceed to talk about some goddamn roto. “Is this not why you are here?” as my man Maximus Decimus Meridius would say. So hook up the coffee and prepare for some knowledge, because that is what I would do if I were not writing this right now.

Not so indomitable Coors Field
It is generally good practice to sit a starter when he is scheduled to pitch in Coors Field. Even the best hurlers can be exposed at the launching pad in Colorado. Whether it is the weak hitting lineup or the humidor that cools the balls down, a few starters have posted good numbers in their starts at Coors. Beckett pitched six strong innings at Coors on 4/26, yielding two earned runs and picking up the win. Mulder gave up two runs on two home runs in a seven inning loss on 5/31. Three nights ago Jose Contreras picked up a win at Coors, yielding one earned run. Hell even Jeff Francis has an ERA of 3.86 in six starts at Coors. While you would not want to start your fifth starter in Colorado, it might be a safe gamble to keep frontline pitchers like Clemens, Pedro, and Vazquez in the lineup for starts in Coors.

Paul Hospenthal
Is there little doubt that one of the luckiest men in the world has to be Mr. Hospenthal? Let me see … you are 39 and on the verge of marrying an uber-hot girl 16 years younger than you are. She happens to be able to handle a car better than any other female on the planet. Oh and she will probably be a multimillionaire in a matter of months if she is not one already. If you still do not know who I am talking about, check out the cover of the latest Sports Illustrated. Does it get any better than that? I think not.

Basketball
We are in store for one of the lowest scoring NBA Finals ever, and last night’s game is only a prelude of what is in store for the series. I am positive that I am not the first person to say this, but a Phoenix/Miami Finals would have been a much better series to watch. Fuck defense, I want to see some scoring!

Movie Quote Mania
I am feeling some movie quotes and I think I will conclude the offering with a few I think are particularly BA and/or entertaining. I would include my favorite quote from Gladiator, but it is a little too long.

“Sister, they don’t know what to do with just one of me.” Richard B Riddick: The Chronicles of Riddick

"No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!" Miles Raymond: Sideways

"Oh, I'll always be the 'Hurricane', and a hurricane is beautiful." Rubin Carter: The Hurricane.

"Unlike other vampires, her fangs are located in her vagina." Hannibal King: Blade Trinity.

Alright folks, that will do it for me. I hope you enjoyed the offering this morning. If you did not, read it again. You know what they say about practice. Furious has every intention on splitting a thirty pack this evening, and is looking forward to doing so. You should think about doing something similar after work. Since it is Friday, try to keep it hate-free.

-- Written by Dr Furious on June 10, 2005