The morning offering - June 8, 2005

Written by TiVo on June 08, 2005

You think it’s time to admit you have an eating problem when you’re enjoying a mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwich while on the can dropping a deuce?

That’s all I got for you today, folks. You want substance, you’d better check yesterday’s offering.

Oh, I could wail on about how Clint Barmes and Octavio Dotel are lost for the year, but just about every roto team is going to lose a guy or two along the way, either for the season or a couple months. Shoot, some of us, as The Fool likes to point out, trade for people who are already out for long periods of time. (For the record, I think dealing my sorta-starting, sorta-backup catcher for Javy Lopez could end up being a shrewd move since my Rotogods league team is in dire need of power from anywhere. Plus, Doctor Furious, with Nomar already shelved, went out and got Mark Loretta. So I’m not the only one)

So two weeks ago, my Wednesday offering covered trading, from several angles. The frenzy is still in full swing in The Matrix, the main Rotogods league. It’s downright insane. Four trades were made today, on the heels of one last night. Let’s take a cursory look at all four so we can meet our roto quota for this morning’s thought-provoker.

Edgar Renteria for Braden Looper and Octavio Dotel:

Last night, I dealt Renteria to the guy in our league who lost Barmes, which quickly numbed the pain of losing a unexpected stud to a carrying-groceries-up-stairs incident. After dealing Jason Isringhausen and having Brandon Lyon hit the DL about two days later, I patched the holes at closer until I hit bottom, going eight days without a save, and dropping from 11 points there to 6.5. So I impulsively accepted a deal for a closer, knowing that Dotel was worthless. I should’ve taken advantage of the other guy’s desperate need for a Barmes replacement, but I didn’t. So instead of Renteria, I’ll be going with Bill Hall, who’s outperformed him in the past month in our format by a fair margin. And I grabbed Jhonny Peralta off the free agent wire, just in case.

Also on our wire, and perhaps yours, was Jack Wilson, who rebounded from a miserable start to bat .303 with 12 runs scored in the past month. The problem is, he won’t help you in power or steals. Bobby Crosby also returned from the DL last week, so for owners desperate to replace Barmes, there might be an owner who recently found himself with a shortstop to spare.

Also interesting among shortstops, where Miguel Tejada is pretty much head and shoulders above the competition: Felipe Lopez, Neifi Perez, Hall, Damian Easley and Julio Lugo have outperformed more notable names such as Renteria, Derek Jeter, Rafael Furcal and Cesar Izturis over the past month in many formats. But, of course, it all depends on what you’re trying to get from that position.

So much for the cursory look at the trades, huh?

Well here’s one more made in our league worth talking about, because someone in your league has gone through ups and downs with all three of these pitchers.

Jason Schmidt was recently dealt to the first-place team in our league (owned by Father Time) by the fourth-place owner (Worm), who received Oliver Perez and Carl Pavano.

All three have underachieved in the eyes of the owners who drafted these guys with high hopes.

However, in a league that counts strikeouts, only Roy Halladay and Chris Carpenter have been more valuable than Perez over the past month. The Pirates ace had a dreadful start, lasting six or more innings in just two of his first eight starts, and giving up five or more earned runs in four of his first six. Since, he’s taken his rightful place among the league’s strikeout leaders, with only Johan Santana, Kelvim Escobar and Aaron Harang fanning more than Perez’s 7.3 batters per outing (though Pedro Martinez has done the same).

Pavano has been a tease, throwing a complete-game shutout on May 17 and following it by allowing one earned run in seven innings five days later. He then reverted to horrible form, allowing five runs in 3 2/3 innings of a 17-1 loss to Boston, and five more in 5 1/3 against the lowly Royals.

Pavano and Perez would be a nice haul for Schmidt if all three were healthy. Some would argue that no one in the National League is better than a healthy Schmidt, but several of the Rotogods believe the Giants ace is trying to pitch hurt.

Whatever the case may be, Schmidtty hasn’t been himself lately, not pitching more than five full innings in each of his past four starts, and striking out more than three only once.

Crap. Another trade’s been made as I write this.

Ricky gets Bill Mueller, Jose Mesa and Miguel Batista (whose SP/RP status makes him extra valuable in our league) from Junky for Eric Chavez, Jon Garland and Victor Santos.

I fear I’ve already lost you all after a promising beginning, so I’ll let you analyze that and the day’s other trades on your own. The others were:

Tony Womack for Coco Crisp

Bret Boone for Placido Polanco (oh how the mighty have fallen!)

Michael Young and Barry Zito for Adrian Beltre and Dustin Hermanson.

The advice minute
Two years ago I was shit broke, living with my girl and two roommates just so we could afford the rent in the Washington, D.C. suburbs. When a chance to buy the townhouse we were living in arose, my then-girlfriend and I didn’t think we could afford, but we couldn’t pass it up either.

Through the magic of subprime lending, we got a terrible interest rate, but took ownership of the house with no money down. A year later, with the roommates long gone, the house appraised for nearly $100,000 more than we paid for it.

Now, by no means does this mean we’re rich, but it does point out something that everyone living near a major city where rents are sky-high right now should know. If you can buy something at a reasonable price, despite all the warnings of a bubble soon to burst in the real estate market, you should consider it.

We’ve since refinanced, and as we got a better rate, the new lender (holler at your boy, Capital One!) threw in an extra $19,000 to boot.

I still wouldn’t rob our house if I was a crook, as nearly all of that dough went straight to bills. But living check-to-check isn’t so bad when you’ve paid almost everything off.

By no means am I bragging. But since I’ve always been the kind of guy to say that money doesn’t define who I am or how I live, I have to admit that it has sparked a change. I’ve been shocked at how having bills taken care of for the next month has sapped all the tension from our home and pumped my relationship with my wife full of actual friendliness. (We might even have sex soon!)

We put some play money aside for each of us, enough so that we could each buy things for ourselves for the next few months, no questions asked. Voila, no more fights about who spent the last $100 on dumb shit instead of day care. It’s nice.

We went through a gang of bounced checks, short-term cash advance ripoffs and embarrassing debts to get here … so damned if I’m not happy.

And trust me, if you think you can’t buy and pull the same stunt in a year, you’re out of your mind. No way your credit is worse than mine was, and these lenders are stepping on each other trying to give you money.

Once you get your behind-on-bills reprieve, of course, it’s time to be responsible. But shit … there’s nothing wrong with taking a walk through the mall and buying stuff without asking how much it costs. I’m definitely going to walk into Finish Line later this week and tell the sales clerk to give me the New Balance 574s … in black and white. I might get a third pair, then give the bitch my cell number.

A little money'll make you feel like a pimp. Yeah baby, you look fine in that Foot Locker shirt. Them stripes make you look thin!

Seriously, I'm spending piddly amounts if you think about it, chump change to people who have their shit together. But if a little refinancing payout can make me feel like a smooth operator up in the mall, it makes me wonder what it’s like to be even a scrub pro athlete making about $500 Gs a year. You just buy whatever your heart desires, and still have enough to pay your bills, treat your family and friends right and accomplish something good with your money.

Siskel and Tivert
Saw Ice Cube in Are We There Yet? over the weekend. Much better than I expected. It was pretty much the black Home Alone, but Cube didn’t have to bend his persona too much to make his good-guy character believeable.

Surely I’m not the first to be shocked by this, but what made it more fun for me is that I recently upgraded some classic Cube in my old school collection from tape to CD. So no doubt this week I was pumping Steady Mobbin’, where Cube raps “So after the screwin / I bust a nut and get up and put on my white Ewings / I'm out the door / All you might get is a rubber on the floor” and “I don't want to hear shit about a tampon / Give me the nappy and make me happy / The hoe said 'Pappy could you slap me / on the ass hard and fast / and could you please try not to leave a gash?' "

I mean, that’s beautiful music. I wonder what percentage of Moms and Dads who took their kids to see that movie know how Cube used to get down in the N.W.A. and Lench Mob days.

Anyway, Now I gotta get my mind right for the black Honeymooners. Cedric and Leguizamo … how bad could it be?

Lighting round
Short and to the point:

So Xach, it’s 90 degrees in NYC, huh? Two words for you: Central air.

Strangely addictive: Online poker (What up, HooHaa?). And I thought I’d never get into it online.

Gotta mention it: Interleague play! Marlins-Mariners, Indians-Padres, Cubs-Blue Jays, whoo-hoo!

Taking bets on: What game The Lions’ Charles Rogers breaks his collarbone in this year.

Game 1: I got San Antonio 74, Detroit 68. How ‘bout you?

1777: The word count on this offering. And that's still 151 fewer than Xach yesterday.

You just missed: An hour of work if you read this straight through. Send all complaints to:

Rotogods Unemployment Fund


c/o Xach (and soon-to-be-roommate El Amin)

153 Cardboard Box Way

New York, NY, 10010

And I’m out…

Berate, belittle or big-up TiVo at Tivo@rotogods.com. Or find him lurking the message boards 24-7. Hip-hop and funk fans can also peep TiVo’s musical musings occasionally on allthangsfunky.blogspot.com

-- Written by TiVo on June 08, 2005