Up Yours, MLB.com!

Written by Xach on June 07, 2005

Good morning everyone.

It was 90 degrees out there yesterday and let me tell you, I have two issues with this sort of weather: 1) it's impossible to fall asleep, and 2) it's impossible to wake up without feeling nauseous. Booooooooo.

So needless to say, it's been an interesting couple of days in the sporting world. The Detroit Pistons are now the NBA's Eastern Conference champs, guaranteeing yet another NBA finals that no one cares to watch. I was hoping Phoenix and Miami would make it. Not that I think they were necessarily the two best teams; I just think they're more entertaining to watch. Although let's face it, there is some entertainment value in watching the Wallaces, and Manu's game is definitely worth some couch time. So, um, this should guarantee that even if the games have terrible ratings, everyone will at least watch the first 3-5 minutes of Sports Center to see the highlights.

In other news this week, the Yanks are below .500 (again), Mike Hampton is on the 15 day DL (again), Rafael Nadal continued paving his path to future glory by winning on the clay -- as an aside, is it me, or does Nadal look slightly effeminate? -- and the United States beat Costa Rica 3-0 in the World Cup preliminaries. Why is it that no one seems to care about soccer yet in this country? Soccer and cycling both, it's like Americans are destined to sit around their houses for the next 10 years while eating hamburgers and wondering what the big deal is. Those crazy Europeans, what'll they think of next? Channel swimming?

News flash: No one in NYC wants to host the fucking 2012 Olympics
Here's another sports related item that's got me thinking over the past couple days: the 2012 Olympics. Here in New York City there's been a big push by politicians to host the games. I'm sitting here in NYC right now thinking to myself, "Does anyone who lives here and makes less than $1,000,000 per year actually think this is a terrific idea? And if so, WHY?!" Last night I was listening to the BBC, as I do most nights. They were running a feature on cities that are vying to host the 2012 games. Paris wants them so badly that they basically shut down the city on Sunday and had a huge Olympics festival. Apparently this is more important than an EU constitution, but anyway... Meanwhile Madrid wants the games so badly, they have pledged such a public transportation infrastructure as to ensure zero need for automobiles during the entire games. The BBC reported that about 90% of citizens interviewed in Madrid were very excited to host. I'm imagining the same interviews in NYC, shaking my magic eight ball, and reading, "Outlook not so good." Life here is hell enough when a bunch of Republicans throw a giant election party. Bring the Olympics and I imagine they'll be arresting every 12-year-old who walks down the street with an orange squirt gun.

MLB.com to consumers: 'Up yours, dipshits!'
Beyond all this current events mumbo jumbo, I'm more than a little pissed off at MLB.com lately. Last year I subscribed to their MLB.tv service. I enjoyed it well enough. For $14.95 per month I was able to watch a majority of the games I wanted to see on my home computer. Sure, the streaming broadcasts are a bit small and can be choppy at times, but since I don't have cable it seemed worth it ... at the time. "So Xach, what's the problem," you ask? The problem is as follows:

1) The subscription renews each month unless you cancel


2) If you want to cancel, the only way to do so is via E-mail

3) It would appear that no one ever reads these emails

4) When you try to call, all you get is an answering machine instructing you to leave a message with your email address and order number for canceling

5) It would appear that no one listens to these messages

6) When you look at your credit card bill you will notice that they keep charging you even in the winter when there's no baseball to watch

7) When you decide to watch a game the next season since you've been paying for it anyway, you are told that you need to pay for the service

So my basic conclusion is this: Someone at MLB had better pony up some free World Series tickets as compensation for my hardship before I freaking march down to their offices and kill someone. I've received better customer service from home operated porn sites in Siberia. I'm drafting a very irate letter and preparing to make some fun phone calls in which I will yell at people, take their names and get them fired. What might be even more interesting is to see how many people have received this same ass reaming from MLB.com, contact them, and file a class action lawsuit. Who knows, maybe we can get the Kansas City Royals as a claim settlement. It's pretty obvious someone else should be running that organization anyway.

American businesses make stunning discovery: Customers actually important

June 7, 2775, NEW YORK -- Nearly a thousand years after the birth of this great country, one American businessman is finally ready to admit that customers are important. "Customers are actually pretty cool," said John Fredsedmenjenson, co-author of a new study that proves customers are actually the people who decide whether to pay businesses money. "For the past thousand years it has been generally accepted that American consumers are useless people who simply have to to throw their money away. So yeah, this is pretty big."

Here's something I thoroughly believe: Quality customer care is the key to good business. Consumers are the single greatest commodity. The dollars spent yearly on advertising, PR and other marketing ventures support this assertion. What will it take for businesses -- and I'm talking about the sports entertainment industry here as much as any other industry -- to realize that customer retention is as important as gaining new customers? In my May 2nd Rotogods Index I listed the operating budgets of the 2003 New York Yankees and the 2003 Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Interestingly enough, the Yankees had a budget of -$28 million and the Devil Rays had a budget of $7.7 million. Now I'm not saying that every sports franchise should operate on a deficit, but there is something to be said for realizing that if you invest in making the fans happy, they're more likely to purchase your product. Heck, I'm pretty sure after last year's World Series, Red Sox fans will sell out Fenway Park for years to come, no matter if the team falls on hard times. From player lockouts and strikes to teams that shave payroll, subscription services that fuck you in the ass, movies that suck, and exorbitant ATM fees, it seems to me that American consumers have been taking it in the ass for too long. It's time we all got reach-arounds.

A few fantasy baseball snippets for ya
Since you read this far -- or at least since you scrolled this far down the page without reading -- I will leave you with some MLB nuggets off the top of my head. Because after all, someone should give you a reach-around.

Desi Relaford: If you know what's good for you, grab Desi Relaford right now. Or at least go look at his career numbers and figure out how they should translate at Coors Field. Then consider the number of positions Desi qualifies at in your league, whether or not you could use a decent backup at any of those positions, and the fact that Clint Barnes will need an injury replacement for the rest of the season. He's no superman, but he is a multi-position player in Colorado.


Wily Mo Pena: Pena is due back any day now. Kearns has been struggling mightily, so Pena should have every chance to claim a starting job. I know everyone knows about Pena, but I mention him because the time to get DL players back on your radar is just before they come back, not after. I'm guessing you have anywhere between a few hours and a couple days to make your move on Wily Mo if he's still available in your league.

Andy Marte: The Braves finally called up their prodigious young phenom. Marte is a big big big big big time prospect, and a three-bagger to boot. He has put up slightly worse numbers than expected so far this season in AAA, but the power has clearly been there for him and he is expected to have a fine major league career ahead of him. The only question is when. At the moment he's not likely to get the playing time necessary to merit consideration for most mixed leagues, but he should be put on watch lists around the country, effective immediately.

Socialite infatuation
You know how it is. You pause the clicker for a second too long and the next thing you know, you've been watching Celebrity Insider for ten minutes. When the ad break comes you snap out of it and wonder what you were doing. And then, useless as the activity seems, you watch the rest of the show. Happens to anyone with a television. Maybe it's a semi scripted reality show. Or maybe it's a biography on A&E. Whatever. The point is, there is something interesting about pieces of other people's lives. Well, here's one person whose life I found interesting enough to waste most of my evening reading about:

Edie Sedgwick (1943-1971): First off, she was off the charts in attractiveness, if the accounts of every single person ever interviewed about her are to be believed. She was featured in several of Andy Warhol's films. It was her charisma and her charisma alone that made her Andy's favorite Factory girl. She rose as a model and pop icon from the very moment she hit the silver screen. And if that's not enough, she was -- according to many -- the muse that inspired much of Bob Dylan's album Blonde on Blonde -- from the album title itself (she was a platinum blonde with pale skin) to the songs therein. "Just Like a Woman," "Leopard Skin Pill-Box Hat," and "Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again" are all said to be at least in part about Edie Sedgwick. The story of her life is almost identical to that in "Like a Rolling Stone." She is also purportedly the "Femme Fatale" of Velvet Underground fame. To boot, there's now a movie in production about her life with Katie Holmes currently cast in the lead role. Bob Dylan has already filed a law suit in an attempt to stop the film, apparently (who knows why, or what for?). She died of a barbiturate overdose at 28 years old, but tragic or not, it seems to me that from Warhol to Dylan to the Velvet Underground, this woman has got to be one of recent history's greatest muses. Her simple physical presence seems to have been sufficient inspiration alone. Does this matter to anyone? Not at all. But I find it intriguing.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

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For comments, suggestions, or to find out how you can make a non-tax deductible donation to Drunks for a New New American Century, you can send Xach an E-mail or post a comment below.

-- Written by Xach on June 07, 2005