The Morning Offering - June 3, 2005

Written by Dr Furious on June 03, 2005

Wow it is Friday already and there is a nice, tall glass of haterade on my desk this morning. Why you ask? Well it is my opinion that there is nothing worse than getting stood up, especially when someone is supposed to accompany you to your Honors Convocation at your university. Serenity now … Serenity now!

    Breathe in, inhale vapor from bright stars that shine
    Breathe out weed smoke retrace the skyline

Obviously I am employing any and all means to keep the offering hate free this morning, as exemplified by the BlackStar lyrics and the use of serenity now. Hopefully it will work. So go get that coffee brewing while I deliberate on how to start this piece. By the time you take your first sip, I should have started writing something substantial for this morning.

Trade offers
I am sure this will incur some wrath, but what the hell. If I cannot hate, I might as well start beef. I made a trade proposal to a certain Rotogod about a month ago. The offer was Derrek Lee and Torii Hunter for Todd Helton and Kevin Mench. Needless to say, the deal never materialized as the counter offer that was sent in response included Manny and Ichiro in addition to Lee. In hindsight, I have to say that I am glad the deal was never made. Is anyone putting up better numbers than Lee? I do not think so. Only A-Rod has as many homers (17) and Lee, with 50 RBIs, has one more than the Yankee’s third baseman. Lee is also leading the majors with a .380 batting average.

Dunkin Donuts and Diets
I make a run to Dunkin Donuts at 5:30 am every morning. I see the same crowd in there -- the bums, the early risers, and those other unfortunate souls that work the overnight shift. There is one girl that comes in within five minutes of my crew’s arrival every morning. This girl is huge; I am talking orca fat. She has no qualms about ordering two dozen donuts, a couple of bagels with cream cheese, and … a diet Coke. I asked her the other day if she liked the taste of diet better and she replied, “Not really, I’m just watching my weight.” News flash honey, if you are putting down what you order every morning, that diet Coke is not doing a damn thing for you. I only hope that her morning order ritual includes food for her coworkers.

Speaking of the job
Is there anything grimier than someone stealing your leftovers out of the community refrigerator? I typically don't use the refrigerator for this very reason. I did happen to leave a half-eaten steak wrap overnight (well technically over-day), thinking it was safe. Boy was I wrong. I came in the following night to find no steak wrap. I hope whoever ate it enjoyed the taste of my slobber left on the end of that piece.

Music
I purchased the new Common CD. After one listen through, I think it was at least worth the purchase. The album features a lot of production from Kanye West. If you like his beats, then you might want to pick it up.

Basketball
Mark it down people: the Spurs are the next NBA champions -- especially if Dwayne Wade’s injury keeps him out for an extended period. Bet the house, and tell the kids you're going Disneyland. You will never make easier money.

Derrek Lee
Did I mention that this dude is a beast? Because he is.

Well lady (Ms. The Fool) and gentlemen, I think this will conclude the hate-free festivities this morning. I hope you all enjoyed it. I am off to the gym and then I have to purchase some textbooks. There is nothing like a little sodomy on Friday, since I am positive that Umass will be bending me over with the prices of these books. After that, who knows. Maybe I will participate in a little drunken lunch with Ape. Enjoy your Friday folks, you are T – minus and counting until happy hour.


-- Written by Dr Furious on June 03, 2005


Comments

Nice one.

Funny that the dude who slept on Derek Lee also slept through the league draft...

Posted by: Ape at June 3, 2005 09:53 AM

hmmm, I'm sensing a trend.

Posted by: The Fool at June 3, 2005 10:02 AM

And what trend would that be Fool?

Posted by: Doc Fury at June 3, 2005 10:36 AM

If that's all you got to say, you can call me out by name, dude.

Nevermind the fact that Todd Helton was batting .339 at the time, with 4 homers and a .440+ batting average over the previous 2 weeks.

Nevermind the fact that I would still at this moment ratherhave Mench than Hunter.

And nevermind the fact that Derrek Lee's career compares about as favorably to Helton's as Dave Chapelle's does to Robin Williams'. He's damn good, but he's got a long way to go before proving anything.

In fact, with Kevin Mench playing the way he is, i'm not sure I'd even do that trade today ... except I idiotically traded away Kevin Mench.

Posted by: xach at June 3, 2005 11:09 AM

You sure someone ate the steak wrap? Maybe it was messy or smelled like shit and someone threw it out, brah.

Posted by: Xach at June 3, 2005 11:13 AM

Also, I would like to point out that this was a hate-filled Offering, not a hate free one. First you throw this tripe at me about a trade that was basically even at best. Then you blowup some poor fat chick who probably is buying Donuts for her coworkers and a frickin bagel for herself. Who knows? Maybe she's ... being nice? Then you assume some yeg would rather eat your disgusting leftovers than throw them out. Let's guess which is more likely.

Hateful, hateful Doc Fury. Fortunately, it was still a fun read.

Posted by: Xach at June 3, 2005 11:28 AM

Huh. Suddenly Xach likes Helton. That's so weird.

Posted by: Fadda at June 3, 2005 11:30 AM

Wow:

"I might not even do that deal today because of Kevin Mench"


HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR

HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR

HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR

HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR
HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR
HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR

HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR

HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR HARBOR

Other than that I have no issue with what Xach wrote.

I did like the offering though, more strong work.

Posted by: El at June 3, 2005 11:56 AM

Xach, can you just admit that deal would have been a good one for you, seeing that Derrek Lee is much better than Helton this year. As far a Kevin Mench is concerned, see El's post.

Posted by: Doc Fury at June 3, 2005 12:00 PM

Also funny anecdotes about a fat chick buying donuts should not be confused for hate. My steak wrap did get eaten, they only throw out shit on Fridays. A girl's slim fast got stole on too, so it wasn't just me.

Posted by: Doc Fury at June 3, 2005 12:03 PM

Wow, the comments are longer than the offering.

(Reads neither; skims both; plans to read them later)

The Common CD is pretty dope.

Posted by: TiVo at June 3, 2005 02:07 PM

Harbor my ass. I would not trade Sheff and Mench for Lee and Hunter. And Sheff was my asking price on Helton (which is in fact the deal I made). And if Helton were doing well I would not have made that deal either.

I simply don't believe Derek Lee wil win the triple crown this year. And if he does I won't feel like an idiot for not trading players with long track records of being top 10 players for him anyway.

Being completely friustrated with Helton's slump and thinking he sucks are two very different things. And even if he does suck, he has trade value, which at the time (since he wasn't even sucking at all for me) was equal to if not greater than Derek Lee's.

Meanwhile, Hunter for Mench is a joke of an offer, especially since our league counts K's.

So so solly!

Posted by: Xach at June 3, 2005 06:33 PM

Why bother reading your retort if it's obvious by the first line that you're always going to be willing to respond to what Doc wrote.

Go blow Sheffield out your ass. This is about Helton, and why are you still on Mench's nuts. You don't even have him any more.

And you're in last.

And I hate Doc's roto team much more than you do so it's killing me to defend it.

Stop being willfully moronic.

Posted by: El at June 3, 2005 07:16 PM

Wow Xach loses track of the argument, doesn't answer my question, and still cannot admit that he may be wrong.

Lee may not win the triple crown, but he could easily lead the NL in RBI. I'm sure that most fantasy GM's with half a brain would like a guy that could do that. You having no faith in a guy is proof of your stubborness and stupidity.

Also you should take El's advice and stop being a moron.

Posted by: Doc Fury at June 6, 2005 12:28 AM