The Morning Offering -- Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Written by TiVo on May 25, 2005

NORTHERN VIRGINIA, 2 a.m. Tuesday -- Right now I’m in the middle of a lengthy trade negotiation with Xach.

I don’t how you do negotiations in your leagues, by phone, trading e-mails, instant messenger or whatever, but in the Rotogods main baseball league, The Matrix, it’s done through a high-pressure series of message board posts and private messages. Some will even call you at work or on your cell phone, to talk you through a deal.

However trading is done is any league, it’s almost always frustrating, for one basic reason. Almost every one of us thinks our players are worth more than the other guy thinks they are. And that guy, of course, thinks his players are better than they are.

And so you trudge on, trying to get that one piece of the puzzle you think is standing between you and a championship.

Everything’s relative anyway. You might read about 4x4 dollar values in one publication, but play in a 7x5 league. Those extra categories make values fluctuate. Player rankings can tell you who got the better deal, but they won’t help you predict which guys will get hot in the second half, which will get hurt and which will slump so bad it’ll make you want to drive into oncoming traffic.

If I have any trading advice for you today, it’s just to keep hacking away. You’d be surprised what a little persistence can accomplish. Too often, people get frustrated early in the process and give up easily. Often, just a little tweak to your offer or a meaningless throw-in can get the job done.

On the subject of…
… trades, all of the Rotogods are stingy as hell. Every last one of them. Myself included. We’re the type of chumps who will hold up a blockbuster if the other guy won’t toss in Aaron Miles, even if better players reside on the wires. Our trades are then judged in the public forums, just like in your league I’m sure.

And your fellow owners probably help prove the ‘everything’s relative’ theory by disagreeing on who got the best of whom.

I don’t know why any of the Rotogods trade with me. I’m impulsive and unpredictable. One day I like a guy and know I need him to win, the next I could dump the bastard for half his market value.

I’m hoping you relate. All owners must deal with you, of course, because you own 1/12th or some other fraction of the league’s good players. Guys they want will be on your roster.

I made four trades over the weekend, and now I’m looking the steaming pile of, um, rubble that is my team. I’ve got a lot of value, but I need to trade MORE to cobble together a roto winner.

While being frustrated by trading and at the same time being the guy who frustrates others, I realize we can’t ever stop making moves in these leagues. Trade-free leagues are among the most boring. I trust in my drafting skills, but watching the team you picked for 162 games is like watching milk go sour. So keep your finger on the “offer” and “accept” buttons. You’ll thank yourself for it.

If you’re new here
Making your way around Rotogods for the first time? We’d like to welcome you, of course, but we also thrive on your participation. It’s what makes Rotogods unlike any other fantasy site out there. It’s not just experts telling you what to do. We’re owners just like you, agonizing over some of the same issues as you.

We stay active on our message boards and look forward to strangers jumping in, talking fantasy sports, or whatever strikes you. We have player update boards where you can drop knowledge with the ’Gods concering any sap sucker in the fantasy universe. We have an advice forum for specific questions -- and trust me, these boys sit here 24-7, so your response will be lightning-fast. And one of my favorites is our Top 5s, where one of the latest topics is Top 5 singers everyone thinks is awesome that you don’t.

Anyway, enough with the sales pitch. On to…

The lightning round
Overheard at work: "Nothing's more boring than reading about someone else's fantasy team." Oops.

Please watch your step as you deboard: Steve Nash’s jock’s should be parked in the unloading zone for the next couple of days. I haven’t watched but a few minutes of the first two Spurs-Suns Western Conference Finals games, but I’m sure columnists around the world will be making sure the luster is off those lovely Suns after San Antonio went up 2-0 last night.

Mmm Mmm good: How can a dog lick his balls for 15 minutes without even looking up? Can they possibly taste that good?

They’re no Oreos, but …: How did the joys of Vienna Fingers and milk escape me for the first 26 years of my life? Seriously. Bangin.

(Takes a break to go get more)

Rare moments: Someone at work found all of the Bud Light Real American Heroes/Real Men of Genius radio spots online. After the issue was pretty much out Monday night, you could hear Mr Pro Sports Heckler Guy and Mr. Male Football Cheerleader blasting from either side of the room. It was a rare moment that made me think “damn, my job ain’t so bad.”

The Eagles will be losing the Super Bowl before you know it: TiVizzle is scheduled to participate in a fantasy football draft in June. No, drugs are not involved, and yes, before training camp is hella early. But at least I’ll be ready to do Rotogods player rankings, complete with smart-ass remarks, before the dog days are upon us.

Bucks get Bogut: Well, LeBron, so much for that Michael Redd thing. Now that Milwaukee sewed up the No. 1 pick in the NBA draft via the lottery, it’s almost certain that the 7-footer from Utah and free-agent-to-be Redd could give Herb Kohl and the cheeseheads in Wisconsin a Yao/T-Mac-ish 1-2 punch to cheer for.

Injury bug: God forbid someone owns Brian Roberts, Roger Clemens, Javy Lopez and Mark Loretta. Yesterday must’ve been full of bad news.

Berate, belittle or big-up TiVo at Tivo@rotogods.com. Or find him lurking the message boards 24-7. Hip-hop and funk fans can also peep TiVo’s musical musings occasionally on allthangsfunky.blogspot.com

-- Written by TiVo on May 25, 2005