Afternoon Offering - May 20, 2005

Written by Dr Furious on May 20, 2005

The Afternoon Offering

Well people, it is Friday once again, and all I can say is thank god. Furious is still training at the new j o b, and the training wheels will be coming off shortly. I apologize for the tardiness of the offering, but I got a little blitzed last night. I can honestly say that I have not been in that state for some time now. The way I see it, a late offering is better than no offering at all. In an endeavor to keep things fresh and innovate, I give you the Furious Exposo List: Friday Edition. I will apologize again, this time in advance. My place of employment has the meanest, nastiest, most advanced firewall system I have ever seen. I do not have access to numbers, but I shall proceed anyway. So print this bad boy out, and if you are in line for a second cup of coffee then hook that up too.

Rodrigo Lopez
Lopez had a good start to the season, but has been very suspect since. When the Kansas City Royals are having no problem scoring on you, then you really cannot be that good. Lopez ended last night with a 7.14 ERA after seven innings; his third start with an ERA of 4 or higher. You are supposed to be the best pitcher on the staff, but for now it seems that you might have been exposed for the fraud that you are.

Danny Kolb
Can you say choke artist? Closing games in Atlanta is a lot different than closing games in Milwaukee. Nobody cared when you compiled 34 saves last year. It’s Milwaukee, no one cares about baseball. Atlanta gave up plenty of cash to acquire you and what did you do? You blew it … literally. You could not handle the pressure Kolb and you have definitely been exposo.

Edgar Renteria
You were definitely supposed to be better than this. I could be willing to excuse the fact that you are not hitting, but what is up with the errors? Am I correct in thinking that you used to be a gold glove shortstop? I still hold out hope that you will be good this season, as soon as you get that huge hole in your swing corrected. For right now though, you should put on the esposo the clown suit hanging up in your closet. All charges, shipping and handling were paid for courtesy of Furious.

Hideki Matsui
I was predicting big, big things for you this season. You are not getting the job done. You have not hit a homerun since … well since I predicted that you would hit about 50 of those suckers (the first week of baseball for those who don’t know). A brother can admit when he was wrong, and I was clearly wrong about you. The fact that I even considered taking you with my first pick is quite appalling. Even the un-Ichiro like Ichiro is much more productive that you right now. Matsui is definitely exhibiting fraudulent behavior.

Brain Roberts
Oh wait, you have not been exposo and are apparently the best hitter in baseball. My bad bro, you should not be here.

Alright true believers, that will do it for the offering this morning/afternoon. I hope you enjoyed. Now I know that Fridays are hate-free and I feel that the exposo edition does not conflict with that objective. If you disagree, shoot me an email at Docfury@rotogods.com and we can discuss. Besides, if I did want to hate, I would have ripped Roberts a new one. Believe me, I always enjoy doing that. Enjoy Friday folks, and make sure that any plans after work includes alcohol. If you do not drink, then find some alternative method to relax. It is Friday after all and the Doctor’s orders include relaxation.

-- Written by Dr Furious on May 20, 2005