Letters from Barry

Written by The Fool on May 05, 2005

Hello Fans,

Have you been to Barry’s blog?

You should surf on by, it’s a treat. Barry Bonds has shut out the evil media and taken things into his own meaty paws – going Mark Cuban on us, if you will – providing updates on his life and health at BarryBonds.com.

Here’s an update from April 23:

Hello Fans (this is the greeting Bonds always uses, and The Fool will now steal) . . .

The media has been requesting daily updates, but I feel it is best for everyone to hear about my status directly from me -- without any spin.

That’s right – in Barry’s world, his team, the San Francisco Giants, is no longer allowed to provide information on him. You want to know what Barry is up to? Head to Barry’s Web site . . . and buy some official 660 and 700 Memorabilia!

(Which is odd, everyone jokes that Barry's balls should be smaller than usual, but these balls seem to be the correct size. They even had enough room for his signature)

And April 26 is a treat:

I was off my crutches on Sunday and was able to spend quality time with my wife and daughter. It's nice when I meet fans on the street and they wish me well and tell me that they can't wait to see me back... what a great feeling. I can't forget to mention the hundreds of e-mails I received yesterday thanking me for giving all of you updated information without the spin.

Barry Bonds: family man, friend of the fan and keeper of the “no spin zone.” This makes sense.

It also makes me wonder . . . was his latest mistress jealous that Barry was spending time with his adoring family? And has his daughter learned to say anything other than "Pitch to my daddy"? I imagine that would get old over the course of a dinner.

May 1 brings us another quality update:

Wow, the e-mails are really coming in fast ... many of the new messages that I'm receiving are from fans who didn't even know I had a Web site. They are telling me they are spending time reading my journal updates from last year.

Barry reads each and every one of your e-mails. Believe it.

And, though Barry is supposed to be keeping fans abreast of his condition, when he’s hiding that info and it gets out anyway he gets upset. For instance, check out his entry from May 3 – he’s mad the San Francisco Chronicle got the scoop on his third knee surgery since Jan. 31:

My original plans were to wait a week before reporting on my condition so I would have a better idea on how my leg was responding. Due to informational leaks (I know who it is), the media has been contacting my PR firm asking about my status. So, before any hearsay or false information is reported, I wanted you to hear about my condition directly from me.

Look out, leak; Barry is getting ready to plug you.

The Fool thinks Barry should master, say, not getting injured after years of steroid abuse before he attempts to become a news provider. It takes a different skills set. For instance, The Fool and TiVo, we don’t need to shoot crazy Mexican testosterone into our asses (though softball star Teevs might want to try it), and it’s rather obvious we don’t need to lift weights. But we’re also not trying to break the all-time home run record.

If Barry wants to start breaking news, he needs to earn some credibility and trust . . . and stop making shit up. Those are three things he’s shown an inability to do over the last decade or so. Frankly, he’s got a better chance of winning the World Series.

Until then, send Barry an e-mail. I'm sure he's sitting at his computer right now, in his big leather recliner, waiting for another one to pop up on his screen. In between posting in the Rotogods Forum, of course. Should he be doing his own player updates?

Don't you dare contact The Fool. Contact Barry.

-- Written by The Fool on May 05, 2005