The Morning Offering - April 13, 2005

Written by Father Time on April 13, 2005

Good morning, Rotogod faithful. And a fine morning it is, too. Nats beat the Braves. Brewers winning for some odd reason. Mike Sherman’s been fired (a man can dream). And I get to spend some time with you, dear…dear readers. I will try not to be dull and boring like The Fool (That’s what Ms. The Fool says, anyway). I want to stimulate you. Inspire you to do magical things (cue New Kids on the Block’s “This One’s for the Children”). Follow me, dear readers. Follow me to FREEDOM!

I’ve been drinking.

I feel I should mention Tiger’s shot on 16 even though it’s been a few days since it happened and all the tiddlytwat reporters wrote their tiddlytwat stories about it. I don’t think people realize the magnitude of that shot. I was fortunate enough to see it live. When that ball finally fell, I jumped up from my chair and yelled “holy SHIT!” prompting my ex wife to run in, saying, “What? What’d I miss? (Author’s note: turning my ex into a golf watching fan is an accomplishment I rank right up there with Wilt leading the league in assists and Kid Rock landing Pam Anderson. Truly remarkable)

It was one of those sports moments that, if seen live, will stay with you for a very long time. I’m always pissed when I miss such moments. I remember some of my fraternity brothers sprinting into the kitchen after Kordell hit his boyfriend Michael Westbrook with the Hail Mary to beat Michigan.

“HOLY SHIT!! DID YOU SEE THAT? FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE!!”

No. No, I didn’t. I was here. Making a burger. Die now please.

So, in honor of Tiger and his recockulous shot (as well his hot ass wife), I will now give you some of the sports moments I remember seeing live and freaking out about at the time because, well, it had to be done. I mean, did you just see that?

So, in no particular order…

- Duke/Kentucky 1992 Eastern Conference Finals. Honestly, I feel sorry for anyone who has just heard about this game. Because it wasn’t just Laettner’s shot. The number of shots that went down in that game that absolutely needed to was astounding. I saw that game during spring break. Afterwards, I went and explained just how amazing a game it was to my mom. I’m sure she cared. Thing is, I was rooting big time for Kentucky. As I’ve mentioned several times before, I absolutely despise Duke. But at the end of it, I didn’t feel upset Duke won. It was too good a game.

- Arizona/Illinois 2005 NCAA Tournament. I mentioned to the other Rotogods that when Deron Williams hit the shot to tie it up, I jumped up and yelped, prompting a “Daddy, that scared me” from my son. It’s bigger than shots like Tyus Edney’s because of what was accomplished to get that far. Find me a more exciting four minutes in college basketball history.

- Jimmy Connors. 1991 U.S. Open. I turned off his first round win over Patrick McEnroe. He was down two sets and 5-2 in the third. Why was I watching this? I remember coming back into my living room and turning it back on a couple hours later. Why was it still on? Connors wins match point and starts pointing. That was it. I was hooked for the rest of his run. 39 years old and he reaches the semifinals? For the record, Johnny Mac was the best ever, but nothing touches the excitement of 1991 Connors at Flushing Meadows (although McEnroe/Borg at Wimbledon in 1980 comes close). Jim Courier must have just loved himself after beating Jimmy that year.

- UNC/Georgetown 1982 NCAA Championship. One of my earlier moments. By the way, the moment of this game wasn’t Jordan’s shot. It was Fred Brown passing it to James Worthy. Jordan hit his shot with 16 seconds to go. Plenty of time. Then Fred Brown fucked everything up. For some reason, I had become a huge Hoyas fan that year. Stupid Fred Brown.

- Michael Johnson. 1996 Olympics 200-meter finals. Dude had just set an unreal 19.67 world record in the U.S. qualifying races. That, in itself, is way too damn fast. So to go to Atlanta and run a fucking 19.32 is absolutely obnoxious. Want one of those Olympic records that won’t be broken for 50 years?

- Greg Norman chokes at Augusta, 1995. I was a Norman fan. So watching this was agony. He was up six after three rounds. And yet…I just had this feeling going into Sunday. I watched that final round on the couch of my first ever apartment. Each shot hurt to see. Find me a bigger choke job in sports. And he stayed and answered all the questions in the press conference afterwards. Hell of a guy. Just the world’s biggest choker.

- MJ’s First Half, 1992 NBA Championship against the Blazers. The Shrug game. I’m a Pistons fan, so I despised the Jordan Bulls. And when he began going off in that game, I was actually happy. I figured he’d try to win the game himself and take all his teammates out of the game, like he always did. But as the game went on, my jaw slowly dropped. He started making shots, and they all hit the same part of the net when they went in. The Zone. For me, it was the same feeling as the Duke game. You were so amazed at what you were seeing, you didn’t care the team you hated was going to win. I’m still floored by that game.

- Buckner. 1986. Sorry, Boston gods. I actually didn’t see this happen. We had just moved into our new house in Montana and didn’t have our TV cable yet. So I listened on the radio. “Two more strikes, and Boston wins. One more strike and the Red Sox are World Champs.” When Buckner flubbed and the winning run passed home plate, I ran upstairs and woke my mother up to tell her what had happened. My poor mom.

- Favre’s Bullet. 1995 TD pass against Tampa. Homer pick. Favre threw this 10-yard TD pass to Freeman that was just absurd. There were a couple Bucs defenders between Favre and Freeman; yet Favre, like he does, just rifled that fucker in there. The ball wasn’t caught so much as it got lodged between Freeman’s arm and chest. In the press conference after the game, Favre even said, “I just tried to force it in there,” then realized what he had said and started laughing (refuses to believe Favre will ever retire).

I’ve got…MANY more. I didn’t even touch on the 1981 Chargers/Dolphins playoff game, where I couldn’t bear to watch the final field goal. But I will save the rest of this page, for you, dear readers. Because I care about you that much. What have you got?

-- Written by Father Time on April 13, 2005