Fantasy sports radio

Written by Xach on April 11, 2005

Goooooood MORNING Rotogods-dot-commmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Wake up campers. It’s gonna be a real dandy out there today in Roto Land. The skies will be mostly sunny and about 70 degrees with a 50% chance of Marcus Giles playing later this evening. The wind will be south-southwest at about 12 miles per hour, with a slight chance of larger gusts near the edges of Salary Cap Games County. Things should only get better throughout the week. Tuesday will be sunny and 85 degrees with a 50% chance of Mark Prior pitching. The rest of the week should remain in the low 80’s with a slight chance of showers on Friday and a 0% chance of Eric Young’s career resuming.

You are listening to 69.9 FM, WRTO. It’s 8:34 AM, Eastern Roto Time, with weather on the threes. And now for some music:

Rotogods State of Mind
Lyrics by Xach

Jason Johnson, he’s dealin, tossed a gem and roto hearts he’s stealin
Appealin, feelin, now reelin
Off waiver wires like Josh Towers in 2001, count the hours
‘Til they fall and we drop them then we cower
Holding Barry Zito, it’s a shitty ass credo, but his
Value is now grounding, talent too astounding
Melvin Mora, last season he’s repeating
Like Fartolo Bolon stops eating

All predators be barkin’ cause they got bad closers
Keep your Izzy and your Hoffman don’t accept no posers
Offers coming lightly like menstrual cramps not rightly
Back off from Wickman and Takatsu like zits from Keira Knightley
Season starts too quick, forever suckers think shit
Worrying about the last time Mark Teixeira ripped
A homer, put the shotgun on your shoulder
Set sites on your prison bitch and rape him
You want Teixeira, Perez, Furcal, so now take them
I tell felons to back up and sack up more players
A Rod will knock taters to show the haters and answer your prayers
Quick trades, like cigarette companies, are cancerous
Smoke one now, later you answer us

Now’s the time to lay down foundations
Start giving birth to the mirth of entire roto nations
Take it slow like you know it ain’t gonna go in one day
The season’s long like this song, one-hundred n sixty-two games to play
The fuck with Raffy Palmeiro, we mock him
Same with Griffey after the knife, like your ex wife
He was sexy once but don’t stalk him

Smart plays get packed in box lunches
Like Spinks taking Tyson punches
Remember while Gathright’s hot, stolen bases come in bunches

So now we’re waxing on this fucking hobby
It’s a waste of time filled with masterminds and suckers who likely high be
(so whatchu sayin?) Hate the player not the game
Got eager playaz pullin the triggers bringing fame to they name
And claim hot corners, teams without three-baggers are goners
During day games, sick of kids, they pull tricks
League vetoes, you need those to teach ho’s don’t feed the pros
You got Pedro, don’t trade a Met for a Pirate with bad mechanics and no fro
Fuck it, we let it slide cause you’re on vacation
But roto sports leads to constant hateration
So stand on your toes as the second week goes

Too many stories of past glories leading us to end your breath
Win a league first, stop mincing, eat dirt, catch your death
One drop to the block of Mark Loretta could leave you crying
The fact you lean on Jeremy Reed ain’t surprising
But he’s no lock so what’s with that gold ring you’re sizing?
Xach’s information keeps roto leagues racin’ and knives blazin’
It drops fast like the stock of Sean Casey, call me crazy
I mince words because honesty in roto is the cousin of theft
By counter-intelligence life is defined
I think of winning when I’m in a Rotogods state of mind

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For comments, suggestions, or whatever the fuck, you can send Xach an E-mail or post a comment below.

-- Written by Xach on April 11, 2005