The Morning Offering - April 5, 2005

Written by Ricky on April 05, 2005

Hey, assholes. How's everybody doing today? That was a pretty good fucking game, huh? I was afraid UNC was going to run away with it for a little bit there, but it ended up close. That was all I really cared about. My bracket was shot a long time ago. I did have UNC winning the whole thing, but I had them beating Washington in the final. Yeah, I know. I went with the "if I'm right I'll win, since nobody else will have them" theory. Never seems to work. Neither do any of my other strategies, though. That shot that Felton hit from NBA range on two dudes? Nasty. That's a big-time shot.

Resume Builders

If your job is like mine, then you need distractions to keep you from going insane. That's why you're here, after all, and not writing a report, or whatever the fuck it is people at work are supposed to do. But Rotogods, as amazing a development as it is, may not be enough. I mean, there are times during the day when five minutes go by without anybody posting anything new. That's way too long. So what do I do? I multitask. At one point yesterday I was simultaneously "working" on two projects in the office (I can bill more that way), watching mlb.com Gameday (more on this later), playing poker online, and, of course, posting here. It'll look good on the resume anyway, right? Um...let's move on.

He is Kerrently Sucking Ass

Now, I don't normally read Steve Kerr's column. I've read Ape's rants about his bland writing and his asinine lists, and I've stayed away. Last night, though, when I came across a link to Kerr's high 5, low 5, I couldn't resist clicking on it to see what gems he had to offer. Stevie did not disappoint. Here's a particularly insightful sentence: "Dirk Nowitzki is having a spectacular MVP type of a season." Thanks, Mr. Kerr. That's wonderful. But my favorite was this: "Stop the presses! The Lakers have made the Low 5." Just such a ridiculous sentence on so many levels. Doesn't this guy have editors? Keep up the good work Steve-O! (Big grin and thumbs-up).

It's About Time

Finally, baseball. Thank the fucking lord. I mentioned mlb.com Gameday earlier. I've found this to be by far the best of the game tracker type programs. Way better than espn.com's or Yahoo's. You can even see where the pitches go. I love watching my fantasy players at work. Sometimes I'll even start a guy just so I can "watch" him play during the day. Unfortunately for the rest of us, the Junky is at it again. Just before the season began, our Rotogod abroad, Limbertake, decided that it would be a good idea to trade said Junkster not only Pedro Martinez, but Jake Westbrook as well. Who did Limber get in return? Oliver Perez. Yeah, there were other players in the deal, but those were the main pieces. Unfuckingbelievable. Oh, and guess who else the Junky has. That's right. Dmitri Young. Time to take some action. (Buys voodoo dolls of Junky's team. Buys steroids and syringe. injects. Calls in anonymous tip to mlb offices.)
Looks like we've got more gay dames today and tomorrow, so enjoy. Later.

-- Written by Ricky on April 05, 2005