The Morning Offering: March 3, 2005

Written by The Fool on March 03, 2005

How’s this for column prep: A glass of wine, a surf through iTunes, a flip through the Pottery Barn catalogue and a fresh beer? That’s professionalism at its peak.

Have you caught Nationals Fever?
The red caps with the white script “W” are popping up more and more often here in the District, and folks tuned in yesterday for their first glimpse of a D.C. team taking the field in more than three decades. The new home team didn’t disappoint, as the Washington Nationals beat the N.Y. Mets (ha!) 5-3 in their ESPN-televised Spring Training Opener. What you should know from a fantasy standpoint is that the Nats’ expected stars didn’t disappoint; crazy Jose Guillen hit a two-run homer, Tony Armas Jr. threw two nasty shutout innings and Chad Cordero struck out three batters for a one-inning save. A nice start for everyone not named Endy Chavez (0-for-2 with a botched play in center field).

Go west, ya big dummy
Surely sometime in the past four years you’ve drafted LaMont Jordan, thinking, “Boy, if something happens to Curtis Martin, I’m sitting pretty.” (The Fool raises his guilty hand) Well, nothing’s happening to Curtis Martin except more 1,000 yard seasons on the way to eventual enshrinement in Canton. But Jordan should soon have his own job. The former Maryland Terp is expected to sign with the Oakland Raiders any day, and should own a spot that freaking Tyrone Wheatley has seemingly shared for the better part of a decade. No more of that plodding mess; Jordan should have a breakout year as the team’s top tailback. In four years as a reserve, he’s averaged 4.9 yards a carry and rushed for 10 touchdowns; he just wasn’t good enough to unseat a future Hall of Famer. That will no longer be a problem. The only Hall of Famer he’ll have to deal with will be Randy Moss, out catching passes and empties from Kerry Collins while opening things up for Jordan.

Unfrozen cave man outfielder
One shrinking baseball player The Fool forgot to mention last week: Rock Star Johnny Damon of the Red Sox, who attributes his new slim and trim look to marriage, exercise and less drinking. “I’ve been running the hills in Jamaica over the past week," Damon said when he got to camp about 15 pounds lighter than last season. “I've been doing a lot of push- ups, with and without Michelle [his new hot wife] on my back. Some strenuous things, but . . . what I like to do is have fun. . . . I've been swimming a lot, doing a lot of things to make sure I'm ready this year. . . . I try to swim after the alligators. I didn't get a chance to race after cars this year. . . . There weren't as many drunken nights as there were last year, [because I was] trying to cure the migraines I had from the year before.” Whatever, Johnny. As long as the lost weight equals a few more stolen bases for The Fool’s fantasy team, no complaints.

Aristotle, indeed
Shaquille O’Neal loves doling out nicknames, to himself as well as his teammates. His new backup, Alonzo Mourning, has forever been known as “Zo.” No longer. This week, the Diesel christened him “He-Man.” But Shaq still has the power.

Well, spring has finally sprung – there are 14 more games today. Keep an eye on those highlights and box scores, jot down a name or two each day and get ready to draft your dream team. Hopefully, the RotoGods can give you a little help along the way.

If you have a comment, question or idea for The Fantasy Fool, e-mail him.

-- Written by The Fool on March 03, 2005