The Morning Offering - March 2, 2005

Written by El Amin on March 02, 2005

Matrix V Draft Capsule

Don’t remind the Fool, but the Matrix (our kindergarten-aged keeper league) just drafted this weekend, a full 6 weeks before baseballs will be pitched or bats will be swung with intention of accumulating meaningful statistics.

Why, you ask?

Well, our Danny Ainge answer is this: So we can provide meaningful pre-season baseball analysis without tipping our draft cards to fellow league members. But an inside source close to the commissioner's office has since revealed to the crew that our Experts Mock Draft won’t be held, which means that I will pick up and waive Joe Blanton, Paul Wilson, Shannon Stewart and Craig Biggio six or seven times each before the season starts instead of waiting 'til May to do the same shit. Well, to be honest, what’s done is done and all that’s left is to report the findings. Below you’ll find out who the winners and losers of our very own 7x5 formatted keeper draft were (in no particular order of course).

Ricky the Retard (keepers: Clemens, Big Unit, Carlos Lee, Victor Martinez)

Coming into the draft, Rick had middle of the pack keepers. It is definitely nice to have two productive pitchers with track records of dominance and solid 200k potential. The problem for Rick is that Junky and Xach also managed that coop while also retaining the services of younger hurlers. Rick’s kept bats were the solid but unspectacular Carlos Lee, who is switching leagues; and Victor Martinez, who looks to be far and away the hottest catcher coming into this year. Rick drafted like a true roto mincer this year. In looking at his draft it appears that he was intent on making some genius picks while staying away from category killers in Ks and Es. His draft was Matrix-centric in the extreme (we use a non-standard 7x5 format, bringing strikeouts and errors into the equation for batters). He also paid for the privilege of this year's only incumbent SP/RP loophole closer Jeremy Affeldt by way of a 7th round pick (barfs in a bag, smoothes bag, returns it to seat pocket). This smacks of smugness, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think it will work out. Rick's team with Magglio Ordonez, Mike Lowell, Paul Konerko, and Odalis Perez has some decent players, but when you consider his overall lack of speed, lack of SP and RP depth (combined with ancient frontline starters), well this team could look dumb by June especially if Lowell resumes his injury kick or Magglio does not fully bounce back from his lost season of a year ago. I would normally give a draft like this a B-. But since Rick thought he did such a magnificent job making up for his DFL (dead fucking last) basketball team I’d say his disappointment will prove this draft to be more of a C-. Projected finish: 7th

Tivo, the reigning last place guy (keepers: Jeter, Bonds, Vernon Wells, Eric Chavez)

Poor Tivo, his season was so bad last year that he started blaming all his problems on The Fool by last April. Pathetic. Not only that, but MLB.com was toying with axing Bonds out of all non-MLB fantasy games. In any event Tivo’s bad luck seemed to end with last season. By my estimation Tivo’s first nine picks, and 12 out of his first 13, were just solid (small problem: he kinda whiffed on the rest, but what can ya do?). Scott Podsednik may be a low average guy, but the man swiped 70 bags and that’s worth about 6 points in the standings right there. In fact if Hank Blalock could play first base then Tivo would be looking swell since he got Oswalt and Kelvim Escobar in the 5th and 9th rounds, and found gold with Lilly, Estrada, Vidro and JD Drew. I don’t think this will be a top team, but Tivo won’t have to worry about finishing in the basement and being demoted. Grade A-. Projected finish: 6th

Doc "Senti" Furious (keepers Manny Ramirez, Nomar, Javy Vasquez, Mel Mora)

Mora makes too many errors. Doc finished in 11th last year. He should have found a way to keep a better pitcher than Javy. Or he should have found a way to draft a less risky backup than Josh Beckett. Beckett is like a weak willed catholic girl with a vigilant mother. You think he'll give up the goods because there's been rumors of his mad skills, but everytime things get interesting he gets completely shutdown. Basically he has been a nasty tease for Fantasy owners. He is Ass Jockey Burnett without the good season. Furious snagged Derek Lee (7th round) and Ichiro (5th round) those guys are good at least. Just about everyone else on Furious’ squad went at least a round too early. Posada 9th (in decline), Beckett 6th (unreliable) is kind, Figgins 8th (speed reach). As for round 10 and onward, I only see one great pick: Shawn Green in the 11th. The rest is garbage, and it’s not because he snatched my boyfriend Nate Robertson in the late rounds, because Nate only pitches well for me. Too bad the Doc will only figure that out after he waives my man Nate Robertson. Grade D+. Projected finish: 12th

Father Time (keepers Adrian Beltre, Brett Boone, Mark Mulder, Carlos Delgado)

Fadda is another guy who finished too low to have such bad keepers. Boonie is rumored to be on Roid Watchers this year, and his new teammate Beltre is swtiching leagues after one super phenom season. In talking to the other gods no one thinks that Beltre will be a bust (in fact as of this writing Fadda has already shipped the Beltman to Beagle for Tejada straight up, nice job Fadda). Mulder shit the bed at the end of last year, but should continue to be a win Machine with decent ERA and WHIP, and Delgoad will do something, but I'm fairly confident it won't be excpetional. Fadda's draft was kid of uneven. He went for versatility with Aubrey Huff who qualifies at 1b, 3b, and OF this year in the 5th round which was a solid choice, but after that . . . well it's not wonderful K-Rod should be one of the top closers this year in the 7th round is nice, and Brian Roberts, who is a serious speed threat and should have 2nd base all to himself in Baltimore's powerful line up was a great pick in the 12th. Still outside of those three Fadda grabbed known slacker Javy Lopez too early and spent big on Pavano, Beuhre, and Brad Penny, that should net him some wins, particularly if Penny can hit 30 starts (don't hold your breath), but not much else. Fadda late rounds were decent where he snagged Derek Lowe 16th, BJ Upton 17th and Jacque Jones 23rd, still, I don't see him getting passed Tivo or little Ricky with his current talent base. Grade C Projected Finish: 9th

John John keepers (Soriano, Rolen, Jake Peavy, Carlos Zambrano)

You may never see an article from John. The jury's still out on whether he's an actual rotogod, but at least he gets to eschew a cool code name like Tivo, Fool, Coffee Cake, Tulip, or Captain Fat Boy. Anyway John's been competing with Timberlake to be the Michael Jackson of this league for a while, and he might have secured the keys to Neverland this year. John's keepers are solid. Two young stud pitchers, and two strong infield bats, John could have contended if he hadn't followed those guys up with a bunch of Cub Scouts, freaks and injury risks. Of his first 5 picks only Johnny Damon is a good player with a proven track record, and for the record John whiffed on his closers with Octavio Do'headcase in the 8th and Bradon Pooper in the 12th, both those guys are a little shakey and could have some competition. Other early picks for John are Harden, Greinke, and Piniero, all three are young and have upside, but he may have been better served scooping up a veteran bat or a more proven arm since he has so much youth at the top of the rotation. Justin Morneau in the 5th seemed early as well. Grade C Projected Finish: 10th

-- Written by El Amin on March 02, 2005