The Morning Offering - Feb. 17, 2005

Written by The Fool on February 17, 2005

The Fool hopes you enjoyed Rotogods.com yesterday as much as he did.

An online glitch, perhaps comparable to forgetting to pay your electricity bill when you’re planning to have company over, or not paying your phone bill while expecting a call from a prospective filly (which happened to a young Fool, at least once). But at least we’re in good company (waves to the Washington Post), and it shouldn’t happen again for at least three years!

Because I know you’ve forgotten
A bit of trivia before we dive in: Who won the NBA’s first slam dunk contest back in 1984?

Ha ha hockey
Hockey’s gone for the year, for good, kaput! Do you miss it? Did you even know it was gone? The Fool tried one of those silly Yahoo! Fantasy hockey leagues once, but of course it sucked. My biggest disappointment was my boss nixed the greatest headline idea I’ve had in 2005: PUCK OFF. Some newspaper somewhere will use it. (Waves to the NHL)

The Fool’s Secret Stash
You’ve probably already found lists of sleepers and rookies to watch as you prepare for your fantasy baseball draft. For you, The Fool digs deeper. Scribble these names on the inside of a gum wrapper, cram it in your wallet and pull it out after you’re five beers into your draft. Shout the names out when it’s your turn, watch fellow league members scratch their heads, and revel in knowing you may have something in a few weeks, months or even a year. If nothing else, you’ll have a player or two to deal to “Prospect Guy” late in the season (every league’s got one).

    Andy Marte: Stay on your toes; you may have to grab this kid after Beer No. 4. If the stiffs the ATL imported to man the corner outfield spots suck as much as everyone not named John Schuerholz expects them too, Marte could end up in the outfield. Cross him off your third base list though, Chipper’s not moving again. Think “Pujols,” take another sip and pull the trigger.
    The Milwaukee Kid: Shout that, and you’ll land either middle infielder Rickie Weeks, a former NCAA Player of the Year, or fat Cecil’s fat kid, Prince. Both of them rake and project as studs; Prince brings the pain, Weeks can do it all. Weeks has a shot to play with the Brew Crew this year, but Fielder they no longer have to rush thanks to Lyle Overgay.
    Jason Kubel: Another young OF/DH type from Minnesota who woulda/coulda played this season, but he ripped up the knee in the Arizona Fall League. He won’t likely play at all this year, but he’s worth a late flyer.

Figure it out yet?
The fans were shocked and disappointed when Larry Nance beat Dr. J in the 1984 slam dunk contest in Denver, which will host the All Star Game again this weekend.

Quick hits
If Alonzo Mourning signs with the heat, it will lower the fantasy value of Miami surprise Udonis Haslem, averaging 33 minutes and nearly a double-double so far this season. . . . Barry Bonds is listed as a draftable player in Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball, which opened its registration at midnight. . . . There could be as many as seven former Daytona 500 winners in the field this weekend, but if you’re picking drivers (which The Fool will be doing before the checkered flag falls) try to snag Dale Jarrett (1993, ’96, 2000) or Jeff Gordon (1997, ’99). The DEI machines aren’t running smoothly this week.


If you have a comment, question or idea for the Fantasy Fool, e-mail him.


-- Written by The Fool on February 17, 2005


Comments

Larry Nance, right? The 84 dunk champ? Without looking it up or anything.

Posted by: TiVo at February 17, 2005 05:52 AM

Oh, and nice work. You are finally letting us see your style. Those recycled jammies were bland, but this one's got some kick.

I definitely take the dumbass award for posting the answer, then seeing it later in the column. Somehow, when the Fool's around, I always seem to do that.

Posted by: TiVo at February 17, 2005 05:55 AM

I thought Fool's last two offerings have been top notch (at least I think I'm thinking of the shit he wrote)

His fantasy advice tops the Xach style "what you need to do is draft guys who play well, and also make sure not to trade your good players for bad players!"

(gives Xeek's beanie a spin)

Posted by: El at February 17, 2005 09:25 AM

Sanks El (ignores TiVo)

Posted by: The Fool at February 17, 2005 11:44 AM

bitchslaps El in the face.

Posted by: Xach at February 17, 2005 01:32 PM

Yeah El,
I was saying the same thing, that this was his best work to date, but Foolino didn't take to kindly to the backhanded delivery of said compliment (as if either of us would just come out and say something nice to one another).

His senti response on the board was highly comical though. He went through all my articles to collect the blandest sentences. That's dedication right there.

Posted by: TiVo at February 17, 2005 09:57 PM