The morning offering - Feb. 1, 2005

Written by TiVo on February 01, 2005

Completely unlike my fellow ‘God Xach, I’m here to talk all Super Bowl. It’s Super Bowl week for Pete‘s sake, and my favorite team is in the damn game for once. I must admit, it’s a lot more fun than pretending to enjoy Broncos-Falcons pre-game (and I don’t mean the Eugene Robinson way).

As far as I’m concerned, the rotisserie baseball talk can wait until next week, when even we football fanatics will be ignoring the Pro Bowl and working on our draft boards.

Gee, shocking pick, TiVo
So I’ll just come right out and say it. I think Philly is going to win the Super Bowl. Based on what, you ask? Well, mostly because I’m being a big-ass homer. But there are three semi-legitimate reasons to believe:

1. The Patriots factor: This matchup is starting to remind Eagles fans of the 2001 Super Bowl, when everyone was just wondering how many points the Rams would pound the Patriots by. In fact, those Patriots were a damn good team in a lot of areas that aren’t easily quantifiable. They’re balanced, poised and intelligent. So are these Eagles. Doubt them, and they might do you like those Pats did the Rams.


2. The WTF factor: Quite honestly, most of us non-Patriots fans are like ‘what the fuck!?!’ We know the Patriots are good -- dare we say dominant -- but football is a game of inches and weird bounces. The Patriots (coughs ‘tuck rule’) get all the breaks. When is Tom Brady just going to whiz one off the back of Deion Branch’s helmet and get it returned for a touchdown? Why won’t Tedy Bruschi trip as his belt comes loose while trying to cover a receiver? How come nothing bad ever happens to this team in a big game?

3. The Rush factor: This has nothing to do with Corey Dillon running for more yards than Brian Westbrook. Let’s just say what we have here is a media that’s very desirous to see Golden Boy Brady and the Patriots do well.

Speaking of that Oxycontin-popping ignoramus, can you believe he’s still trying to justify his remarks about McNabb after, incidentally, his crappy outing against the Patriots in 2003? The rotund republican (or libertarian, or whatever) apparently threw a giant emotional (senti, if you will) tantrum on his radio show this week, trying ever so hard to spin his unnecessary insertion of race into the conversation into a liberal media conspiracy to put black quarterbacks on a pedestal. I’d link to where you can read his yammering verbatim, but I took it in, and quite frankly, if you sat there and stared at the screen with your finger up your nose and sang Ain’t Nuthin’ but a G thang to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic, that’d be a much better use of the next few minutes of your life. Rush, you were hating for no good reason. You tried to burn somebody and got burned. Stop playing the victim.

The bigger the game, the dummer the fan arguments
Here's something else I noticed this week. Try reading the posts below a CBSSportsline article. It’s line after line of the dumbest I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I fake smack talk you can imagine. If you can’t spell “loser,” you shouldn’t be calling anyone else one.

I may be a big Eagles fan -- and I do mean big -- but I’m unbiased enough to know that all teams have dumb fans. I was never a big believer in "this city’s so classy" and "this one’s so tough" anyway. There’s no city full of rational sports fans, just like there’s no city devoid of goobers willing to get drunk and hurl a battery, snowball or insult at a player’s wife and child seated courtside.

While we’re on the topic of dumb fans, let me just say that I’d like to reach through the TV and backslap the next announcer that claims Eagles fans and the entire city of Philadelphia wanted Ricky Williams over Donovan McNabb in the 1999 draft. It was like four dudes who booed, and frankly, if they weren’t smart enough to stay home and watch Mel and his hairdo on TV like the rest of us, why do people assume they were assigned to speak for our fan base?

Straight off the Rotogods message boards (well, sort of)
Why is Freddie Mitchell on SportsCenter to begin with? Because he wore a funny hat and thanked his hands? Greaaaat. Since there wasn't a thing to talk about with no game last Sunday, it was just another part of the hype machine sideshow.

Now the Pats are playing up the no respect angle, even though the Eagles are trying to play the no respect role too. Both of them have nerve. They are getting dick-slobbed so bad this week, especially the Pats since they just used the Colts and Steelers ... yeah right, no respect.

Even as a clearly biased observer, let me opine that FredEx is the worst kind of shit talker. He's a dude who doesn't really back it up running off at the lip.

The only positive spin I can put on it is that maybe Rodney Harrison will go for a kill shot and miss, which -- as a former safety myself -- I know to be the quickest way to give up an easy touchdown on a dumb 10-yard pass. And trust me, I missed on a lot of kill shots.

Otherwise, Freddie is gonna get himself killed out there. And then get released in offseason. Which serves him right for all the post-4-yard-catch belt-buckle celebrations I’ve had to endure. He‘s not all bad, of course. He does have 4th-and-26 going for him.

It's overkill
Agreed, but the NFL Network is very good. Rich Eisen and the gang talk football non-stop and keep it interesting. I have mad more respect for guys like Willie McGinest, Jim Mora Jr., Roy Williams and Donte Stallworth after hearing them actually talk. I prefer to form my opinions that way, quite honestly. Thoughtful and clever responses go a long way.

On the flip
Why do the ESPN powers-that-be still think we like Stuart Scott? That guy should be the alternate for RPM2night. He’s awful. How can the white anchors, like Scott Van Pelt and Linda Cohn, have a better mastery of black slang than the over-the-top black dude? It’s an embarrassment.

Ouch
The Winter X Games are cool, more power to them for lasting so long. But I have a hard time watching a dude get broke up every five minutes. And I don’t mean receiver-across-the-middle broke up. I mean falling-off-your-bike-at-50-feet broke up.

Something about fantasy
Okay, this is a roto Web site, so here’s your daily tip. It’s an excerpt from an article I’m working on called How to win your baseball league without watching a single game. Truthfully, it should be called how to suck less at baseball, because I was God-awful last year. So instead of being a know-it-all, I’m going back over all the things I already knew but failed to do last year. When you think about it, all a roto expert is is a guy who organizes all the things you already know about roto into a neat, digestable format.

Sheesh, I went on so long I damn near forgot the tip:
Join a public or free league that drafts a week or so before your serious leagues that have pride or big money on the line. That will not only give you a dry run through this year’s heap of first-time starters, it’ll also let you know how others value old faces that showed up in new places. Knowing what opponents think of Richie Sexson’s chances of bouncing back healthy in Seattle or Delgado’s power in cavernous Pro Player Stadium will give you insight going into your big drafts. Perhaps you think Pedro is on his way to being washed up now that he’s a Met. You can let someone else burn a high pick on him while knowing how many rounds to wait on this year’s breakout starter (you hope he’s half as good as Johan Santana) or a guy coming off a bad year, like Roy Halladay.

The sendoff
A’ight, you've got two choices. Get crackin’ on whatever work you have to do today, or head on over to the Masses message board and go line-for-line with these so-called ‘Gods.

Berate, belittle or big-up TiVo at Tivo@rotogods.com. Or find him lurking the message boards 24-7.

-- Written by TiVo on February 01, 2005