The Morning Offering - Jan 25, 2005

Written by Xach on January 25, 2005

Okay, so another Rotogod text messaged me at midnight tonight and told me they were unable to perform. I happen to have watched football this past weekend and seen adds for Levitra. Needless to say, drunk as I am, I can perform.

The NFL Playoffs
Have you read enough about the Eagles and the Pats? Me too! Fuck them! Pats win. Next topic.

Jim Jackson
The Junky has the best record in Rotogod history. And when I tell you he has the best record I mean he wins almost every league in every sport. He dropped Jim Jackson this week. I recommend you do the same. Jimmy the Shithead sat out every game for the Hornets. He should do the same for you. Fuck him. He sucks. He should fucking play hard instead of being a bitch. He could have been the top scorer on New Orleans, but instead he would rather be the gimp of Phoenix. If you need threes he may be a decent grab, but otherwise you should just make fun of his owner. Ape, you suck ass. Die.

Samuel Dalembert
Sammy may be getting some PT now. And by "PT" I mean "playing time". Why? Well if you were Jim O'brien and you sucked too, wouldn't you showcase Dalembert for a trade? I thought so. Cock sucker. If you are in a kiddie pool or even a deep league -- or even if you just own a Slip and Slide -- you might want to consider grabbing Dalembert now before he becomes the League Leader's sex slave. I might be wrong and terribly biased, but if that ends up being true, I hope you'll write me an E-mail and tell me what a shitfuck I am.

Carlos Delgado
Has any other peripheral superstar ever been this senti about which team he goes to? I didn't think so. Please E-mail Carlos and tell him the Blue Jays could use some frickin help. Thanks a lot you shit ass! Thanks a fucking lot! Canada still sucks and it's all your fault. That's all I have to say and I even truly do think Canada sucks. Call it a hunch, but if you are a Marlins fan, I think you can go ahead and order your National League, Refuses to be DH, Careless DelShmado jersey now.

Football Playoffs
Take the Pats and the points. Whatever the points are, seriously. I think we can call them dominant now. Call me crazy.

Have you seen my baseball?
I'm drunk. But I bet you haven't seen my baseball, Mongo. Don't blame me. I voted for Bill and Opus.

Tom Brady
Yeah, I'm, a Pats fan. But has any superstar ever seemed more super and less star? Think about it. The man thinks he's Tim Couch. Is he really Tim Couch? I bet Tim Couch never dated Briget Moynahan. Enough said.

I hope you enjoy this drunken, last minute Morning Offering. Who loves you? The Xach man loves you.

Take the Pats and the points.


For comments, suggestions, or whatever the fuck, you can send Xach an E-mail or post a comment below.


-- Written by Xach on January 25, 2005


Comments

Guess they still don't have medication for tourrettes...its the pats -7 btw.

Posted by: broham at January 25, 2005 09:10 AM

Hey Booze-bag,
I have never had relations with Jim Jackson. He is not on my team. Kindly kill yourself. Thanks.

Posted by: Ape at January 25, 2005 09:12 AM

You were drunk, no kidding, guess I'll have to work hard to top that one for tomorrow.

Does anyone else have the ability to post these rants in case you're passed out tonight?

Nice Bridgett pic (I think it's safe to call her good looking), very nice too bad the paragraph that referenced it made as much sense as, well, you.

Posted by: El Amin at January 25, 2005 09:29 AM

Wow. Talk about inspired! This article is terrific.

Posted by: Xach at January 25, 2005 10:17 AM

Solid work. When is the wedding, and will you take Dalembert as your last name or vice versa?

Posted by: The Fool at January 25, 2005 10:21 AM

My personal apologies to the Ape. Jim Jackson is not oon his team afterall. However, since he is on his bropther's team I am claiming guilt by family association and refuse to rewrite that part of my article. Thank you. Oh, and also, die.

Posted by: Xach at January 25, 2005 10:22 AM

Actually, he'll be taking my name. Samuel Heebameyer has a lovely ring to it, doncha think?

Posted by: xach at January 25, 2005 10:24 AM

I dropped Jackson way more than a month ago, and I didn't want to. I wish i still had him.

Posted by: Junky at January 25, 2005 11:23 AM

Well, you can rest assured that since I said he's a piece of poo, he's a piece of poo. I've, ummm, thought this through completely.

Posted by: xach at January 25, 2005 01:21 PM

Right on.

Posted by: Junky at January 25, 2005 02:28 PM

Not to be the Accuracy Po-Po, but no way Jim Jackson was dropped a munt ago. Your campaigning for a special exemption was fresh in my head.

I looked it up, he was dropped Jan. 10. So there!

Looking forward to future Drunken morning nofferings. Also looking forward to someone other than a Rotogod posting a comment.

Posted by: TiVo at January 25, 2005 05:12 PM

P.S. I hate Delgado now too.

P.P.S. I'm sending $1,000 to Vegas to take the Eagles, minus 7.

Posted by: TiVo at January 25, 2005 05:13 PM

umm, the first comment of the day was not by a Rotogod. Yow ya like DEM apples? Someone else read that shit before any of you did.

Posted by: xach at January 25, 2005 07:08 PM

Oh,
holy shit. I just assumed that Broham's comment was El or someone. It was written very much in that vein.

Posted by: TiVo at January 25, 2005 07:40 PM

I didn't email you at midnight btw. And Furious can always perform bitch.

You die!!

Posted by: Dr. Furious at January 26, 2005 09:23 AM