On the Cusp of Pitchers-and-Catchers

Written by Worm on January 18, 2005

Will winter never end? Some people complain about winter weather, I guess. Frankly I prefer a cold day to a hot one. It brings the blood into your face, and makes you move around, because, if you don’t, you’ll turn into a popsicle. I like winter weather. But, every year after New Years, I start to get antsy. You see, I’m a baseball fan.

I dig all sporting competition. I love a nice putt, a strong running backhand (Aussie Open is open for business!), a perfectly placed pass, and the like. But my devotion is baseball. It’s the only sport that I will watch every game that is humanly possible to watch during the season. And then, after the last out of the World Series, comes the offseason, my offseason. For a few days, it’s pretty weird. I feel like my day is three hours too long. And then, for a while, I get on with the rest of my life.

But a little after New Years I start to feel it. I want to watch baseball. Where’s baseball? How long until baseball? I’m ready for baseball! Frankly, I can’t wait. And it’s still more than two months away!

I can make up for it a little bit by getting ready for my fantasy baseball draft. I like to do a little extra work for my draft preparation in the offseason: I collect the players’ stats into a spreadsheet and break them down to see who’s likeliest to have the biggest impact in the coming season. It’s obviously time well-spent, as I’ve come in 11-of-12 and 7-of-12 in the last two years. Of course, I might have improved on that if I hadn’t made such bright moves as trading Johan Santana for Kevin Millwood, or Eric Gagne for Barry Zito.

Well, once again, I’m going to try to play it smarter this season. But that’s still months away. So, to wile away the time until then, I’ll present you with my magical spreadsheet’s predictions for the top players at every position. (In this context, it’s important to note that the Rotogods rotisserie baseball league also includes strikeouts and errors for hitters, in addition to the other traditional 5x5 categories.) You can make whatever you will of this list; it’s just for fun, but, I assure you, if you have all of these guys on your team, you will finish higher than 7th.

Top Catcher – Victor Martinez

It ain’t Mike Piazza anymore. Pudge made a big splash last year with a huge first half, but Victor is taking up the reins. He may yet cost me another a bottle of scotch and a fine dinner to Ricky.

Top First Baseman – Todd Helton

Then again, this keeper of mine might win me back the bottle of scotch I lost last season. Surprisingly, Helton beats out Pujols here. Gut instinct tells me Pujols is a good bet to go on to even bigger and better things than he has done already, but both these guys do so much for a fantasy team that it’s difficult to judge which is really better. My rankings have them virtually tied.

Top Second Baseman – Jeff Kent

This doesn’t figure in the change of ballpark, but, in the final analysis, there is no standout top choice for premier second baseman in our league. Even Alfonso Soriano is hurt by his errors and strikeouts, as well as his down year last year. Kent remains at the top of the pack, and I wouldn’t mind having him on my team, although I won’t spend my first pick on him.

Top Shortstop – Craig Counsell

His stance confused the computer, which then deleted the records for all the other shortstops. I’m lying. The correct answer is Miguel Tejada. Just making sure you’re reading.

Top Third Baseman – Alex Rodriguez

Why am I even writing this article? It’s the season for exciting football playoffs, and the only people obsessing about baseball are the handful of hardcores like myself. Who cares about these kinds of lists, anyway? It would be one thing if, say, I listed my top 100 picks in order, with half-sentence blurbs about each one. But that doesn’t really make for an exciting read. So why do people who write fantasy articles resort to this “lineup” style of material? I mean, doesn’t everybody already know that Alex Rodriguez is the top fantasy 3B coming into next year? I’m so unoriginal.

Top Left Fielder – Harry Honds

This rookie outfielder for San Francisco should wow crowds with his surly media interaction and undetectably enhanced performance over other left fielders around the league. Just watch. You’ll be amazed.

Top Center Fielder – Carlos Beltran

This doesn’t take into account the fact that he is now on the Mets. Oops. Just to be fair, I might as well tell you that I have Jim Edmonds listed as second-best. You can consider him a surrogate first, unless “You Believe”.

Top Right Fielder – Vladimir Guerrero

This guy is awesome. I wish he played for my team. Both fantasy and real life. Actually, I’d even rather just have him play for my real life team, the Yankees. (Yes, I’m a Yankees fan.) I’d just love to watch him hitting everyday. Nothing really compares with it. Maybe Harry Honds, when he gets a bit older.

Top Starting Pitcher – Randy Johnson

Ricky’s keeping this guy, too. What can I say. At least he’s pitching for the Yankees, that is until he crumples into the dust in a withered heap sometime in mid-May. Don’t get me wrong, Randy is super-talented, a Hall of Fame pitcher. It’s just that his sun is going to set one of these days, and, in these mid-winter months, that always seems to happen before gametime.

Top Relief Pitcher – Eric Gagne

His name means “to have won”. I think I’ll keep him.

Final Thoughts

Well, I guess I’m not the only baseball fan in this world. It’s after midnight here on the East Coast, and I’m watching tennis in Australia. Every time I watch tennis, the announcers start making all kinds of baseball analogies for this player or that, this shot or that shot. Anyway, it looks like A-Rod is winning his first round matchup. I hope he can say the same thing in baseball this year. When does that start again? Godammit.

-- Written by Worm on January 18, 2005