No T.O.? Oh no, the unoriginal thought onslaught continues

Written by TiVo on December 21, 2004

If the Junky can make literary love to the Boston Celtics right here on this Web site, then certainly I can suspend my unbiased sports reporter persona and tell you what I really think about the Philadelphia Eagles’ chances of winning the Super Bowl now that Terrell Owens is injured and out for six weeks.

While it’s certainly a heart-breaker to see the Eagles go into the playoffs at much less than full strength for the third consecutive year, it’s far worse to have to read and listen to these talking heads regurgitate their cookie-cutter opinions from now until the Eagles are eliminated or hoist the Lombardi Trophy. If Rotogods.com is anything, it’s a crusade against the onslaught of unoriginal thought in the modern American sports media.

For example, Cris Carter says: “Without Owens, only two players scare you on that offense. One is Donovan McNabb … and the other is Brian Westrbook.”

Thanks for that morsel of genius analysis. Perhaps Yahoo! bills yours as exclusive content because no one else would dare print such drab opinions.

That’s at least as painful as watching ESPN’s Sean Salisbury, who was full of insight for about 20 minutes when he first started, then resorted to yelling at the camera.

If no one’s going to give it to me straight, I might as well be in the 700 level (or whatever the seats I can afford at the Linc are called) with fellow Iggles fans.

The Eagles never were a lock to win the Super Bowl, or even make it there. Any true Negadelphian knew that. A lot of us were just waiting for the shoe to drop. It has, and it sucks, but the table is still set for a trip to Jacksonville.

The NFC can’t be any worse. Though some of the game’s brightest offensive stars -- including Brett Favre, Daunte Culpepper, Randy Moss, Torry Holt, Shaun Alexander and Michael Vick -- could end up in the NFC playoffs, none of the teams they represent can play a lick of defense. The hottest team in the conference besides the Eagles is Carolina, and they’re missing Kris Jenkins, Stephen Davis, DeShaun Foster and Steve Smith. At least the Eagles are only missing T.O. and a few linemen.

My fellow Eagles fans (Rotogod Beagle included), we could have a pity party right now, but why? That kind of pussified rooting is for Java-swilling fans from Seattle, not us. Plus, we’re still better off than we were in last year’s NFC title game against Carolina. We may be stuck with the same receivers from that game, but at least Brian Westbrook is healthy this time … for the moment, anyway.

With a pass rush from Jevon Kearse and run defense from Jeremiah Trotter, the defense is better and nowhere near as banged up as it was in last season’s playoffs. In the past five weeks, they’ve given up 6, 6, 17, 14 and 7 points -- and the 17 came on two scrub-time TDs after the Birds led Green Bay 47-3 in the fourth.

So if a Packer fan is giving you a hard time, remind him or her of that. If it’s Redskins, Cowboys or Giants fans, laugh at them. They’re just trying to get a rise out of you because their 5-9 teams can’t get it up.

You know who can talk shit to you? Patriots fans, by virtue of that disgustingly flossy ring on their favorite players’ fingers, and Steelers fans, because their team whooped ours back on Nov. 7 (a game that felt strangely like those ones with Super Bowl trips riding on them).

And neither of them have a cakewalk into the big show. Can you believe there’s going to be a 15-1, 14-2 or 13-3 team that doesn’t even go to Jacksonville? Of course you can, because it’s the NFL, and that’s why it’s currently the most exciting pro sports league on earth, hands down. “Any team can win on any given Sunday” may make you sick as far as sports clichés go, but it absolutely defines the NFL. If the AFC playoffs are the Steelers, Patriots, Colts, Chargers, Jets, and Ravens/Jaguars/Broncos, there are going to be Super Bowl-worthy teams losing in just about every game.

So for my colleagues in the sports media, I know your unoriginal thinking got you the job that kicks the crap out of mine, but perhaps if you‘re secure in it you might spare us the Super Bowl lock talk in November and December. Let the teams play the damn games (as Ape and I discussed last week), and let the freakin’ fans enjoy the drama that goes along with them.

-- Written by TiVo on December 21, 2004