The Importance of “Senti”

Written by Father Time on October 18, 2004

In every fantasy league you have ever been a part of, there is always that guy who constantly acts like a sentimental, whiny, little bitch. And I’m sure you probably consider this a bad thing for your league.

You may listen to this walking vagina go on and on about the hurtful words we used to describe his stupid team or about how, in fact, that trade he made certainly did not “suck ass,” as we so eloquently put it. He’s the guy who takes a joke about his girlfriend seriously. The guy who turns one little insult into a 2,000-word blubberfest ... and then apologizes. He is the living, breathing example of panties in a bunch.

Now, you may think this whimpering poohole is exactly the type of person who needs never show his ass around these parts again. You may wonder why he even plays roto sports if he’s going to get so upset about every ... little ... fucking ... thing. You may want to go Alec Baldwin on his ass and tell him if you don’t like it ... leeeeave.

You couldn’t be more wrong.

The sentimental manager, or “Senti” as we have so cleverly named him, is as integral a part of the roto world as ranking your players and keeping your team active. Without Señor Senti, our roto lives would crumble. They would topple like the pyramid of tampons he has stacked on his night table next to his Midol and douche. He is vital to our world. And if there are two, three or – and here’s where our group really distances itself – maybe even four per league, well then fuck: you have found roto heaven.

In order to be considered an Official Senti Manager, the beotch in question must have the following two personality traits. I will explain them each in graphic detail.

1. Easily offended/hurt/panties-in-bunch: The trademark of any great Senti manager. Make fun of his draft. Say you don’t like the trade he just made. Insult his favorite teams. Call him an asshole. A normal manager would have a clever retort, a “fuck your mother in an uncomfortable position,” or – hopefully – a combo of both.

A Senti manager, however, will take this roto insult personally. As if we were making a statement about him as a man and how he hasn’t fulfilled his life in general and why he will never be a successful human being.

In response, he will do one of two things: take it to a personal level by insulting you in a manner no friend should, or write a small novel about why he’s right and you’re wrong.

As to the first one, let me say that I truly believe smack talk in roto is essential and without it ... well, I’m sure you’ve been in leagues without it. It’s like watching shit harden. Well-written smack keeps the league lively and makes you want to return more often and, at least in our leagues, participate in it whether you’re a main component of the beef or not. But the bottom line here is you’re playing with friends, who I’m assuming you’d like to keep as friends, regardless of the final standings. There remain certain lines you just don’t cross.

The Senti Manager crosses these lines with the regularity of Michael Jackson crashing Cub Scout jamborees. He thinks, for some reason, you have defecated on his manhood by calling out his team as the crap that it is, or by saying the Patriots aren’t one of the greatest teams of all time or, God forbid, by protesting a trade of his. He’ll tell you to go take a crap on the gravestone of your dead father – who died four days ago – because you didn’t think a band he likes is good. Then when you tell him he is acting like a fairy princess, he says he was joking. So you want to kill him. Right away.

2. The deeply personal two-day explanation: The second thing a Senti Manager does in response to smack is try to explain ....in excruciating detail ... why he’s right and you’re wrong. Why, for example, you are the epitome of evil for even thinking Kwame Brown should not have gone that high in the draft. This post goes on forever. Sometimes, it takes two posts. And that’s just the beginning. Because once you retort with a post of your own, it’s on ... for days. He feels he must convince you. I mean, why can’t you see that Marcus Banks is the second coming of Dennis Johnson? I just explained it to you in 3,475,725,745 words or less! Okay, let me put it another way ...

For a Senti Manager, personal feelings always get in the way. They take crying over spilled milk to a stratospheric level. It’s maddening as hell for the person or persons he is responding to. It will drive you insane and piss you off.

But for those of us watching from the sidelines, it’s fucking hysterical.

Just Can’t Let It Go: For a Senti Manager to be the whiny annoying turd of a man he is, he must feel the need to always have the last word. Xach does this beautifully in our leagues. We often state the number of the post we’re responding to in the subject line. So when Xach checks on, he’ll do this for a post that was written about 70 posts ago, and it’ll be a good 2,000 words. Meanwhile, we’ve had four other conversations since then.

My favorite Senti Managers for this trait, however, have to be TiVo and the Junky. Both of whom state in their posts that they have to get in the last word. So when they’re going at each other with Senti vigilance, it might end days later, with both having repeated their points roughly 6,000 times to each other and called each other every insult known to man. They can’t let it go. It’s beautiful, man. Beautiful.

You don’t believe me? Let me give some examples of the beauty of Senti. Because Senti, in all its glory, is often the glue of a successful roto season (read: enjoyable). Here’s what I mean:

* Dead Teams: In any 10-to-12 team fantasy league, you often, unfortunately, are going to have a few turds. Guys who check in once a month, who never respond to trade offers, or, as has happened more than once to me, show up to pick a team name and never return. The Rotogods hate these people. We would like nothing better than to line them up against a wall and throw manure at them. They pluck perfectly good players from the league, never to be seen again that season. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it. The worst possible problem a league can have is lack of participation.

A Senti Manager, however, helps you forget about these wastes of space. How can you stop and get annoyed at a dead team when there is a bitchfest going on because one manager called the other one whiter than he was, which leads to a huuuuuuuge fight (This actually happened. Just fabulous to witness. Never mind the fact that both of these guys are white as chalk). Time flew by. Suddenly it’s 3 p.m. and it’s close to quitting time.

* Dud Leagues: Successful roto leagues must – and I can’t state this often enough – be enjoyable. Anyone can get a bunch of guys together and have a league. But just how fun is the league when no one posts and there are maybe five trades all season? I’ve been in several leagues like this. As the bio states, I love trading. This is one of the main reasons I never win leagues. I make too many trades. All the time. Some suggest I may have a problem. Now I would obviously love to win, but I want it to be fun as well. And for me, trades and an active message board are as key to an enjoyable roto season as a successful team is. Too often, leagues bore me to tears – even if my team is doing well.

Well, you’d be surprised how much of an impact a Senti Manager can have on a boring league. Suddenly the message board is no longer the message bored. It’s jumping with personal attacks and verbal threats. A league that had averaged maybe five posts a day suddenly has 50. And they’re all mean spirited and vicious and ... well ... just marvelous.

The Fool (aka JT) provided a classic example of this in my baseball money league this year – a league that certainly needed some excitement. He completes a laughable trade. I immediately protest it. He calls me an asshole and says some other things that prompt Xach to chime in with his protest. The rest of the day is just a hailstorm of bitching and fighting. The trade eventually gets vetoed and JT just goes off. He says he quits and wants his money back for another league as well and that it’s everyone against him in this big conspiracy. He goes on about this for days. He was pissing me off, Xach off, TiVo off. I mean, it was tremendous! Over a fucking trade veto! He still brings it up in Road to 17 whenever he gets the chance. And it puts a big smile on my face every time. That single Senti moment made that league enjoyable. Well, that and the fact that I won it.

These are just some examples of why a Senti Manager is invaluable to us here in the world of roto. That’s not to say there aren’t potholes along the way. I’ve been in more than one league where a manager gets so pissed off he drops every player on his team. When this happens, we usually call him a shithead and a little baby, and he grudgingly picks up his players, or just goes away completely and we find someone else. But for the most part, a Senti Manager’s good points far outweigh the bad. He brings uneasiness, anger, hostility, hilarity and above all: entertainment.

God Bless you, Senti Manager. You fucking whiner.

-- Written by Father Time on October 18, 2004