Glossary of Terms: Interim

Written by Ape on October 18, 2004

Glossary

Gooey Knee/Elbow etc.: Refers to any joint, bone or other body part that a player has routinely injured. Famous one’s include Grant Hill’s knee, Antonio McDyess’s knee, C-Webb’s Knee, Fred Taylor’s groin, Grant Hill’s Ankle, T-Mac’s Back, AJ Burnett’s Elbow, Tivo’s twat, Marcus Camby’s entire body.

Senti: An uncalled for emotional outburst brought on by a sarcastic insult, or an insult that is unnecessarily personal brought on by an emotional out burst. See the related article by Father Time. Bottom line, it’s bad to be senti. That shit is for the life-time channel, the soaps and other stuff that a roto stalwart doesn’t have time for. Toughen up.

CBM: Anagram for Calculated Bitch Maneuver. This is most often defined as someone who will subtly and deliberately try to change the original thrust of an argument that they find they are losing. If you are having trouble understanding this one, think about the last time you argued substantively with your girlfriend or your mother and it will become clear. It is something women do often. It is their domain and not something to be imitated by you. If you’re really losing the argument that bad, punch someone. Much better. If you resort to the CBM then you are nothing but a…

BAMF: Anagram for Bitch Ass Mother Fucker. If you can’t identify one of these by their several obvious traits, I feel bad for you.

Le Mikey: Me Likey. Derived from a ‘Bud Lite’ add. The letters got switched around because we are dorks. However, one of the nice side effects of transforming things into unintelligible dork language is it becomes good code. I can subtly point to the hot girl next to me and then say to my homeboy ‘Le Mikey’ and she won’t have any idea what I’m talking about. So clever.

Lo Nikey: No Likey. See ‘Le Mikey’. Alias: Low top Nike’s. If you have your league’s low top nike award winning team, chances are, you suck.

Harbor: Refers to the Boston Harbor which is, and always has been, full of shit. When someone’s argument is full of shit, or they just don’t know what they are talking about, or they are just plain lying, call harbor. It’s much more direct and concise than trying to expose them point by point.

Prison Bitch: The dude in your roto league who always gets played like a violin by your closest rival when making trades. The guy who hangs out with ‘The Sisters’. There is very little that is more infuriating than watching your hard work go down the tubes because the prison bitch in your league has no idea what he’s doing. Part of the Rotogods’ mission is the elimination of Prison Bitchery. We hates it.

Saul’sbitch: This nifty term is pronounced as one word like it is written. This is a term that the Ape has coined to describe an owner who enters a message board argument on the side of the Ape’s principle antagonist. The Saul’sbitch didn’t originally start shit with the Ape, but suddenly feels the need to pile on against the Ape in support of the contrary opinion and, in so doing, becomes the antagonists Saul’sbitch.

This needs some clarification so I will regale you with ‘The Story of the Saul’sbitch’, A roto yarn of the first order.

During college the Ape worked one summer as a scaffolding erector (sounds dirty, but it’s a harmless job putting up scaffolding). The crew of scaffolding guys worked closely with a crew of masonry-workers. Crews as a whole are kind of like roto owners. They all want to seem smart and cool and want others to think of them that way. Turf wars and arguments are common. Building buildings, after all, is some macho shit. So it happens that the foreman of the masonry crew was named Saul. He was a big guy with a fancy pick-up truck who thought he was the fucking man and acted like it. That is to be expected. What caught the Ape totally off guard was the little, fuck-ugly dude who always ran around after Saul and repeated everything Saul said to you in case you managed to misunderstand the monosyllables the first time. Dude was tiny, a piece of shit as a mason, had no cool truck, looked like a dude who would pay to fuck an unconscious woman in a coma ward, and here he was riding his bosses coattails like his fingers were sewn into the fabric. No one in our crew ever knew his name. He was just The Saul’sbitch. Couldn’t fucking stand that guy.

BOOM!: I believe The Junky started this in our baseball league. Always posted if you are logged on the site while one of your players hits a home run. Start doing it in your baseball league; it will be copied. You will gain respect and standing that you didn’t really earn, yet the benefits will be real enough. Maybe this only works for our crew because we are always logged on. (Uhhh-huh-huh, that guy said ‘log’)

Scrub-Pub: This is the result of an owner in your league who is all over his own nuts as well as those of his team. This owner will litter your message board with useless factoids about shitty players on the bottom of his roster. The result is Scrub-Pub. While The Rotogods encourage as much message board participation as possible, Scrub-Pub is akin to the last saliva laced sip of beer at the bottom of the message board beer bottle. You’ll drink it, but you won’t like it. It isn’t appreciated.

Keithing: The process of keeping a trade up on the trade desk for an absurdly long time (a few days or more) without any kind of counter or helpful commentary. This term finds its roots in the behavior of one of our league participants (we’ll let you guess what his name is). However, it became a technical term when it was observed that many owners will do this if they are tempted by a trade, but are too pussy to take the extra step to make it work. The person who Keiths is invariably waiting for something to happen to one or more of the players involved in the trade to push it into a clear advantage/disadvantage situation so that owner’s feeble brain can decide if he wants to do it or not. Guys who might be traded, suspended, or have test results pending on a potential injury are almost always involved in offers that get Keithed. Beware the Keithing.

Neumeyers/Neumeys: Refers to my nuts. As in ‘Get off my Neumeyers’. This is taken from local Boston sports personality Bob Neumeyer, who all the other local sports personalities refer to as Neumey. Why Neumeyers? Just kind of sounds like a term for the contents of your most precious package, don’t worry about it. Alias: Robert E. Neumeyers or Robert E’s.

Settle Down Soda: What you need to be drinking if you get too senti when someone is teasing you. Goes really well with a tall glass of…

Shut the fuck up Juice: Have we mentioned it’s bad to get senti?

Syntactical/Formatting Oddities:

Switching first letters: In perusing our site you may or may not find a lot of words with switched first letters, particularly compound word insults. This is a little hobby/habit of ours that comes with posting to each other all day long and being bored. We do this because they sound funny. We are easily amused.

e.g. Butt Sniffer becomes Sutt Bniffer.
Cock Gobbler becomes Gock Cobbler.

You get the idea.

Elypsis: Since roto message board communication is all typed a lot of common typos just start substituting for words. Even more so when your leagues and websites are populated by a bunch of dyslexic, dyspeptic derelicts like ours. Hence ‘an offer’ has become ‘a noffer’ (see what I did there?). This gets tricky when the Switching first letters format sweeps up a word like ‘noffer’ which is the product of Elypsis. Hence a counter offer becomes a nounter coffer, or as we say ‘a nounter for your noffer’. We fully understand that anyone who has dork allergies has just started puking and breaking out in hives.

Random The: Suffice it to say that if you see an unnecessary the in front of a persons name or an adjective where it grammatically doesn’t belong, it is there on purpose. That’s just how we do around here. If you Lo Nikey, then you are the crappy.

-- Written by Ape on October 18, 2004